The Twinkies' Birth Story: Part 2

Some parts of part 2 need to be filled in by my husband and my mother-in-law. I was a zombie for most of Friday, so even though I was given loads of information, it has been permanently lost in my brain abyss. As soon as I got loopy right before the C-section, information was no longer clicking in up there.

Jax was born at 12:36pm. He was a gray, bloody mess, but he was a doll. As soon as Dr. P lifted him over the curtain, I was crying. I have mentioned before that I am an ugly cry-er, so I'm sure that Maren's pictures will show you the hideous face I made. They whisked Jax to his warming bed and he instantly began to cry, which made me cry more. Josh stepped over to see him, came back to me, touched his forehead to mine and with tears in his eyes, he said, "he's so cute!"

Jett quickly followed as he was yanked from his spot in my rib cage at 12:38pm. Jett was all arms & legs as Dr. P quickly lifted him up for me to see him. Between tears, feeling barfy and the realization that I just gave birth to twins, it didn't dawn on me that I hadn't heard Jett cry yet. I had a limited view, but I knew that there was a barrage of nurses surrounding the boys, furiously working on a cry. He finally cried. Moments later, the boys were whisked out of the OR and were in the NICU in less than a minute. I happened to be lucky to have been in the dark at this point. I was crying, I was threatening to puke on Josh yet again, and I was busy listening to Dr. P quote lines from the movie "Pitch Black" while he removed placentas, and apparently, some organs, according to Josh.

The once-quiet NICU was now abuzz with nurses and doctors working on getting my boys stable, namely Jett. What wasn't mentioned in the OR was that Jett's cord was wrapped around his body a few times. We were unsure of whether or not he was without oxygen or if he was even getting blood flow back in from his cord. I appreciate that no one acted hysterical or alarmed while I lay on that operating table. I was already taking deep breaths to try to keep the vommies at bay, so hearing that would have flipped me out.

***

I have been waiting for this information for a couple of days, and just asked our AMAZING NICU nurse last night about what happened when the boys came out. Jax was taken out & his nurse, Susan, got him under the warmer and on a C-pap immediately. He responded very well. Jett apparently wasn't done being in utero, so things took a while with him. Before Dr. P pulled Jett out, they found that he was facing the wrong way & had to be turned (OW!) and his cord was wrapped around his arms and legs, and he was gripping it, cutting off blood flow to his little body. He was immediately put under the warmer and put on the C-pap, but had to have a little help getting breathing consistently - he didn't need resuscitation, but he needed more stimulation to get motivated to breathe.

Both of the boys were taken to the NICU, shortly thereafter, where Jett was intubated and given surfactant. Surfactant is used to lubricant the lower lungs to help get them moving on their own. Jax was taken off the C-pap after an hour or so, and was given oxygen through a canula. Jett was taken off his C-pap a while later as well. For the first days, both of the boys had to have an OG tube (oral) for their feedings, but then graduated to the NG tubes (nasal). Jax has ripped his out a million times, and was able to take his feedings by bottle for a couple of days, but he tires out quickly and does half and half now. My little Jett is still relying mainly on his NG tube for his feedings, and is back on oxygen at the moment.

Jax & Jett are doing better everyday. The main thing now is learning to eat. Being preemies, one of the last things they develop in utero is the suck, swallow, breathe routine, and they weren't in long enough to learn it. They are now developing that skill. Jax is able to do over half of his feedings with his bottle before his little body tuckers out and he has to finish through his NG tube. Depending on how awake Jett is, sometimes we try a bottle, but more often than not, I let him sleep during his feedings and opt for the NG tube. His little body is working so hard that it's just better to let him sleep, rather than expend too much energy.

And have you ever seen cuter boys?! Omgeeeee! I just stare at them the whole time I am with them, and then stare at pictures when I'm not with them.

Pray for our litter. Maddie has been sick since Saturday, and I haven't been able to see her. Josh & his parents are taking care of her, but, as a result, the 4 of them are unable to come visit the boys. This was not the transition to twindom that I was hoping for. I was really hoping to make this far less painful than it seems to be.

Thanks for the love, prayers, texts, emails, comments, etc. We appreciate it all.

xoxo,
a.

The Twinkies' Birth Story: Part 1

Yesterday, I got up at 7:30am for a routine prenatal check-up. I was tempted to skip the appointment because I was getting super frustrated with being violated checked every few days, only to hear that there had been no change. I had been waking up the past 4 nights with terrible, bearing down contractions that were 2 minutes apart and lasted for about 30 minutes. Because I knew the routine, I waited them out, and eventually, they stopped.

The same thing happened in the wee hours of the morning on Friday. I was suddenly awakened by horrible contractions around 2am, they died down, and then I slept fitfully for the rest of the night. I woke up at 7:30 with contractions that were painful, but not terrible. I proceeded to get ready (hair was the priority), grabbed a banana & a protein bar, and headed out the door with my MIL.

Contractions were 4 minutes apart, but still not horrible, so I didn't say much. Every once in a while, one would get painful, I'd have to stop & breathe through it, and then I'd move on. Walking into Dr. P's office, I was cranky. I had already declared to Josh that when Dr. P announced no change in my cervix, I was going to karate chop his throat. Pregnancy makes me so dainty & feminine. 

Dr. P walks in and asks me if I had eaten breakfast...random, but yes, I had. He uses the doppler to find the heartbeats, I peel my "skivvies" off, as he likes to call them, take a deep breath & watch him focus. He smiles & says, "Head up to L&D. You're a 4 or a 5. Let's have some babies." As in true Andrea form, nothing motherly escapes from my mouth: "are you shi**ing me?" "I shi* you not," he replies. So, I dress, head up to L&D, and am eventually put on the monitor. The boys look great, but suddenly the contractions have picked up. They are quite painful & now 2 minutes apart.

Last belly shot! 

And can we just pause a moment to thank my hairdresser for making me look fabulous for surgery!?

Here's the weirdest part. For the 2+ hours that I was up in L&D being monitored, I was in a weird zen-like state. I texted the family & closest friends I needed to text. All very matter-of-fact. Not Andrea-esque in any way. I should have been more hummingbird-like, but I just wasn't. I was in shock. I was planning on karate chopping my doctor that morning, not having TWO babies. So, I chatted & texted & breathed through contractions. We had gone from "c-section in 8 hours" to "you won't make it that long - probably 4 hours" to "you're going in in 30 minutes." It moved fast. And that was fine with me. Then, I got up to pee. And it hit me. I laid back down in the bed while I was "prepped" for surgery "down there," closed my eyes and the room was so loud that it felt like I had turned on a white noise machine. It was hitting me right now. I no longer wanted to do this, I wanted my girlfriend, Maren, my photographer, to leave and I wanted to go back to bed. I wasn't ready.

They put a sexy hair net on my head, threw a warm blanket over my shoulders and we waddled walked to the OR. It was a bright room with lots of sunlight, but it was chilly. I hopped up on the operating table, and they began the process of inserting my spinal. I was floating just 2 minutes later. Suddenly, the room was abuzz. There were 5 nurses surrounding each incubator, my nurses, the anesthesiologist, and Dr. P. My husband & Maren came in shortly after.

He's the best! Dr. P paused for a picture before heading in to slice me & dice me like Dexter. And ladies, he's single & ready to mingle.

Josh kept his forehead to mine for most of the surgery, talking to me, telling me he loved me, and making jokes. He even held up the air sickness bag at maximum arms length when I started to heave from the medication. He jumped up to see the boys as they arrived, and to witness the murder scene that was unfolding in the OR. He was sure this was how I was going to die. I cried the second Dr. P lifted Jax out to show me my first little boy! He was the cutest little old man I'd ever seen. They jostled me around some more & out came Jett, the other cutest little old man I'd ever seen. Jax quickly cried his cry of indignation, but Jett took a bit to make some noise. They were both quickly rushed out of the OR & into the NICU. Their story to continue in Part 2...

Jax Thomas (4 pounds, 9 ounces; 18 inches)

Jett Lucas (5 pounds, 3 ounces; 18 3/4 inches)

The anesthesiologist announced that I would feel sick now because they were "putting my uterus back into my body." I don't know if him saying it or them actually doing it made me sick, but I was heaving again. They began to get placentas out and stitch me back up, and I was relieved to know I was almost done. The nurses cleaned up the murder scene, Dr. P leaned over & kissed my cheek, shook Josh's hand & we were rolled out the door to recovery. Josh headed off to see the boys, and I closed my eyes in recovery with Maren, & then, Kylie at my side.

The rest of the day was a blur. I was rolled into the NICU from recovery after an hour, but wasn't able to see much. I was able to touch Jax, but Jett was having some breathing issues, so it wasn't as easy for me to get through the sea of nurses to touch him. I spent the rest of the afternoon laying in bed, resting, finally eating, hearing tons of information that people swear they told me, but I have zero recollection of hearing.

Yes, the boys are doing well. Yes, I will update you about the first 24 hours with them. Yes, I am doing well. And yes, I am in pain, but I'd choose a C-section over natural any day. And before you blow up my phone asking about Jett, I will tell you everything tomorrow. He's doing GREAT, and every update we get is an improvement from the last one. I will probably be headed home Monday, but they will, more than likely, be here for about a month.

Thanks for reading, caring, praying, texting, and loving our litter. Look for Part 2 of the Twinkies' Birth Story tomorrow. Right now, I get to milk myself pump for the boys and then I'm going to go snuggle them some more.

xoxo,
A.

35 weeks | 3rd Trimester

I wrote this the night before I went into labor. Figured I'd publish 35 week stats & then update you later today on the Twinkies!

Taken by my MIL after my FIL remarked that it was shocking that I was able to stand. Not the most attractive picture of me, but it's the best shot to show how my belly defied gravity!

Official maternity photo. 

My BFF, Pollyanna (aka Kylie) really wanted me to have an ethereal, feminine photo of me lying on our bed, in a flowing dress that drapes beautifully over the beach ball while Maddie kisses my tummy. True to form, I opted for my yoga pants, the ratty slippers that are falling apart and my token Starbucks cup. 

How far along? 35 weeks
Babies are the size of a? Coconut
Total weight gain? 34 pounds
Maternity clothes? Obviously.

Stretch marks? Still none.

Sleep? Sleep has been spotty this week. LOTS of painful contractions that are waking me up or keeping me awake. Shockingly, my moaning & groaning hasn't woken Josh up once. He'll clearly need a loud wake-up call when it happens.

Miss Anything? Not waddling.

Movement? Jett has decided to lodge his large head into my rib cage and wedge himself at a ridiculous diagonal angle, so that feels great.
Food cravings? Still blueberry pie. I may need to call around before I'm no longer pregnant & it is no longer acceptable to wolf down a pie alone.

Belly Button In or Out? Out.

Rings on or off? Depends on the chub of my fingers each day.

Symptoms? Not much besides that overwhelming feeling that my pelvis will shatter at any minute from the sheer volume of these two.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nah.

Labor Signs? Lots of painful contractions. We're praying these contractions are opening that cervix. In fact, I may have burst into song the other day with "...Open the flood gates of my cervix..." 
Happy or Moody most of the time? Pretty happy!
Looking forward to? Not being achy all the time. 

Dear Twins

Hi, it's me, Mom. You have now been inside of my body for 35 weeks. Today, I am 35 weeks large. You two don't seem to care.

When I first found out I was pregnant with two babies, I was totally panicked. Panicked. We bought a brand new car just 4 short weeks before finding out our bundle of joy was 2 bundles. You two wouldn't fit in the new car. That we just bought. Not the most motherly of thoughts when it comes down to it, but that's what went through my mind. I'll make it up to you at some point.

Just a couple of months later, we were given the warning that this wasn't going to be an easy pregnancy. Now, many of Mom's friends thought that mandatory bed rest seemed like a dream. No, no. Let me tell you. I have too much energy/OCD/ADD/anxiety to bother laying around all day. I mean, you can only rewatch The Office so many times.

Oh, and pelvic rest. Thanks a lot.

By the time we were just shy of the third trimester, I landed in the hospital for 6 weeks with contractions & nearly no cervix. You guys will hear about Mom's short cervix for the rest of your lives. You're welcome.

Here we sit. The three of us. Jax, your head is slamming up against my cervix & bladder. You have totally made me pee myself. I hope you enjoyed that. Jett, if you could find it in your heart to move your head out of my rib cage, I wouldn't find it necessary to lean over chairs & couches to try & use gravity against you. And while we're at it...after 8 months of stretching, sweating, aching, crying, hormoning, hemorrhoiding, and peeing, I have just one simple request: getoutgetoutgetout!

I'm very excited to meet you both. I know you're both going to be super cool and super fun (I mean, look at your sister. We clearly make rad kids.), so just do me a solid. Waking up with contractions at 2am, that cause me to squeeze your Dad's leg, that inevitably lead to nothing, is really not my cup of tea. It's a lot better out here, so let's get this show on the road, little dudes.

Love,
Mom

34 weeks | 3rd Trimester

We are finally in the home stretch and I am finally free! As you can imagine, my first day of freedom included Starbucks and Target. Plus, my mother-in-law took me for a mani/pedi! She thinks I deserved it after this debacle - I think she's right.

Since being back home, I've already had 2 follow-up visits with my favorite doctor. People, we are at 2cm dilated & 80% effaced! I count this a huge victory. My body feels battered and bruised. It's time for these boys to make their appearance. Given the position of Baby A, the cord presentation issue we had before and just the overall nature of twins, I won't be going past 37 weeks...END IS IN SIGHT! None of us, including Dr. P, believe that I'll even make it to that point. 

So, now, we wait. Nails are polished and shiny. My hair is the most beautiful ombré I have ever seen thanks to my amazing hairdresser, Miranda. Girlfriend offered to come down to my hospy room and do my hair in the bathroom! I mean, she's a keeper! Text me for her number! You will dump your girl in a flash to go see this GEM!

How far along? 34.2 weeks
Babies are the size of a? Butternut Squash
Total weight gain? 36lbs
Maternity clothes? I can finally wear my maternity clothes out!

Stretch marks? Still none.

Sleep? Besides waking up every 4 hours to take my Procardia (which stops contractions), I sleep as well as I can being the vast size that I am.

Miss Anything? Not waddling.

Movement? Always.
Food cravings? Blueberry pie. I've wanted it my whole pregnancy, but I have yet to get a piece.

Belly Button In or Out? Out.

Rings on or off? It still fits, but it's not comfortable.

Symptoms? My entire body is achy & sore, but it's the end, so this is the fun I can expect.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nah.

Labor Signs? Increasing contractions. I forgot how much these suckers hurt.
Happy or Moody most of the time? Pretty happy!
Looking forward to? Their arrival!

32 weeks | 3rd Trimester

Things are starting to look up! Baby A's cord has moved, my cervix has stayed the same for the entire FIVE weeks that I have been here, and I'm inching closer and closer to being able to head home and deliver with my doctor at my hospital. Funnily enough, I'm a little bummed that I might not deliver here. I adore my nurses and everyone is just really nice to be around. 

My poor body is exhausted and in pain. My back hurts, my pelvis hurts. These boys are getting so heavy to carry around. I joke that my first outing when I get home will be a trip to Target with a Starbucks in hand, but I doubt that I will make it much further than the dollar bins because the waddle is just out of control at this point. 

Thanks for your prayers, gifts, goodies, kind words and support. Y'all have helped me make it 5 weeks confined to a small hospital room. When this is over, we are having a giant PARTY to celebrate! 

xoxo,

A.

How far along? 32 weeks
Babies are the size of ? Squash
Total weight gain? 29 lbs. 
Maternity clothes? Yoga pants & maternity tanks!

Stretch marks? Still none.

Sleep? Sleeping so hard even though my body is really aching. 

Miss Anything? Normal life

Movement? All the time, but they seem to have finally settled. They are both settled in sideways and are facing each other.
Food cravings? Banana Nut Bread...randomly.

Belly Button In or Out? Out.

Rings on or off? It still fits, but it's not comfortable.

Symptoms? My pelvis feels like it's been beaten with a baseball bat.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nah.

Labor Signs? Contractions have started to pick up more, but nothing that stays too consistent.
Happy or Moody most of the time? Pretty happy!
Looking forward to? The end!

31 weeks | 3rd Trimester

I have officially been in the hospital for ONE MONTH! It really doesn't seem that long since I have had so many AMAZING visitors who come bearing lattes, magazines, movies, and dazzling personalities! I am so blessed/stoked/amazed/humbled/loved, and you guys are making me feel that way! 

I started this entry last night & erased most of it because things can change quickly around here. I just got back from my growth scan/cervical length check. Cervix is holding steady at 6mm, but as soon as we looked at my cervix, we noticed an issue. Baby A's cord is hanging down into my cervix. It can right itself, but it's a cause for concern. I'll get an IV soon in case anything should happen. If his water was to break & my cervix is open, his cord could prolapse & that could be fatal. THANKFULLY, none of my doctors want me to go home. Last week, there was talk of letting me go home, & Lord Jesus, thank You, I am so glad that didn't pan out. I'm a button away from calling my nurses if my water breaks, & they can have me in the OR in 10 minutes. 

In addition to the cord issue, Baby A is measuring small. He's in the 21st percentile (2lbs 14oz), which means he only gained 4oz in 2 weeks. He's not in any danger, but again, it's something to watch closely. His brother is measuring right on track at 3lbs 11oz. My nurse popped in after the ultrasound & I told her the news. She promptly told me to fatten up, & eat Cheetos & french fries. Josh is currently out getting Carl's Jr!

All of this to say, please keep us in your prayers. I'm scared, nervous, and thankful that I am in the safest place for myself & my boys. Dr. P kept warning me of how quickly things can change in a twin pregnancy. I rolled my eyes most of the time because I thought he was being a little dramatic, but oh man, he was right. Things change on a dime around here. 

Thank you again for the love & support we've gotten. Pray for our Jax & Jett!

How far along? 31.1 weeks
Babies are the size of ? Pineapples (Baby B is at least)
Total weight gain? 29 lbs. 
Maternity clothes? Yoga pants & maternity tanks!

Stretch marks? Still none.

Sleep? I've done pretty well, but I'm starting to have so many aches & pains that keep me awake. My poor body thinks I should be done, and these twinkies aren't done cooking yet.

Miss Anything? Normal life

Movement? Yes, but it's finally starting to settle down. They are finally growing enough to stop the constant flip flop. 
Food cravings? Still Coke!

Belly Button In or Out? Depends on baby location.

Rings on or off? On.

Symptoms? The pregnant ones.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nah.

Labor Signs? A few things that lead my doctor to believe that the boys might be here sometime next week.
Happy or Moody most of the time? Happy with a chance of weepiness.
Looking forward to? Driving the sexy, new car my hubs bought me!

TMI update for the week

Today was my weekly check-in with the ultrasound tech to see how things are holding up. I am sooo thrilled to report that nothing has changed. I walked into that room, expecting to be told that, what little cervix I had left (6mm), was gone. I had some pretty intense contractions over the last week, and I was expecting to hear that they had obliterated the rest of my cervix. Thankfully, it's holding steady. Keeping the contractions under control the last few days & the bed rest are clearly doing something.

For those of you who don't believe me, this is what we're working with. The funnel shouldn't be there. The dotted line between the 2 plus signs is what I had the night I came into the hospital. Cut that in half & that is all I have left keeping these boys in. 

As for the boys, 2 weeks ago they were measuring 1lb 14oz and 1lb 15oz. Today, they are measuring 2lbs 10oz and 2lbs 11oz! Huge jump in growth which was great to hear after being told that a 34 week delivery is unrealistic and a more realistic date is 32 weeks...which.is.in.three.weeks. Didn't hit me when the doctor told me, but it hit me as I was sharing the news with today's hospy buddy, Maren. A curse word may or may not have been blurted out when I realized that I am 29 weeks & 2 days, and 32 weeks is quite soon.

Keep the 3 of us in your prayers. It's all happening so much sooner than I had guessed, but I'm clearly not in control. The car search has begun, the clothes are washed & hung up, and we are gearing up for 2 littles to make their debut sooner rather than later! The sooner they get here, the sooner they can use these!

Thank you, Melissa!

xoxo,
a.

How to Survive Hospital Bed Rest

Encouragement chain, 34 days to go 

I'm clearly the expert on how to survive hospital bed rest with all two weeks of experience. However, Kylie is correct in saying many of the posts out there aren't terribly good. So, here's my attempt at sucking less than the other blogs.

Pull the stick out.
No one wants to be here. None of us planned on being here. We are stuck in lumpy beds with crappy hospital food and daytime television. I am bombarded with tubes, straps, pills and swabs every 3 hours. I am being watched like a hawk. But you know what helps? A good attitude. There is absolutely nothing I can do about being here. I am here for the long haul, as are a lot of these beached whales women, so I'm making the most of it.

I have really great nurses who actually enjoy coming to see me because I pulled the stick out and decided to be pleasant. The boys are the most stressful fetuses to get on the monitors, which means that my poor nurses have to sit here for at least 30 minutes before we are all hooked up & being monitored. Many have thanked me for being a trooper because they have lots of patients who are mean and get mad. Get over it! You're stuck here all day, and it's your fetus that is already creating problems and is still on the inside.

Laugh it up.
So much of this is disgusting. So disgusting. I have probably apologized to nearly every nurse that has worked with me for the disgusting things they have to do and see. "When was your last bowel movement?" has become my favorite question of the day. One of these days, I will work up the courage to say, "This morning! When was yours?" We talk about body fluids and mucus and blood and leakage. I mean, di-freaking-sgusting. The best way to deal is to just laugh about it. Make light of the gross and just roll with it. Being happy and pleasant and enjoyable to be around makes everyone happier. Be the patient that the nurses enjoy. There will always be the girl who is a crab - don't be her, because the patients talk about you and so do the nurses. Be the one who makes them laugh.

Cry it out.
For the majority of your hospital stay, be fun and enjoyable. However, if you need to have a good, hard sob, do it. Turn on Steel Magnolias and let the river flow. I was teary many nights when my friends and family would leave, but it was short-lived. Ten days into my stay, I hit my wall. Ugly crying into the phone, while my Mom tried to calm me down. It's hard to be here. It's hard to watch your family leave. And it's hard to be stuck here with no end in sight. So, it's ok to be hysterical. Just don't be the girl who lives there.

Decorate.
I'm sure some of the nurses think I'm nuts. My room is the most decked out on the floor. My favorite part is the banner of photos of my myself throughout the pregnancy, which I refer to as my "Narcissist Banner" every time a new nurse looks at it. I have balloons, flowers, pictures, and banners hanging on the walls to make it feel more homey. Over the top? Yes. Necessary? No. Cheerful? Yes. Worth it? Yes. You're stuck here for weeks on end - make the best of it.

Narcissist banner.

Visitors.
I am very lucky to be semi-close to home. Many of the women on my floor are from neighboring states and aren't as fortunate as I am to have company. I have literally had friends and/or family here every single day of my stay. When people ask me what I want or need most, my response is always company. I have people I've never even met before popping in to see me, who just want to help make my day a little more pleasant. Seeing people (for Type A extroverts, like myself) help the days not drag so slowly. Tell people what you need. They want to help. If you just want them to stop by and play Scrabble with you, tell them.

Don't be ugly.
My husband was slightly offended that he has seen me with more makeup on since I've been here than I had been wearing pre-prison sentence. My argument is that it makes me feel better. Deep.

It's true though. After beached whale society water immersion therapy, I take a shower, dry my hair, style it and put some makeup on. Is it necessary? Of course not. Does it make me feel like I'm doing something with my day? Yes. If you are schlepping around the hospital like the girl from the ring, your days will be longer and crankier. If you put a little pep in your step on purpose, you will feel better.

Hospital bed rest sucks. There is no getting around it, but like every situation in life, you have to choose to make the best of it. Make friends with your nurses because they want to like you, but they can't if you're a jerk. Try out the old lady activities that the hospital offers. You might enjoy it, and it might make you less of a crab. And if you need a visitor, I'll come sit with you. I can bring you junk food and/or Starbucks, and I will lose terribly to you if we play Scrabble. Win/win for you.

xoxo,
a.

27 week update

I can honestly say that I am stumped to be writing this blog post from a bed that is mine indefinitely. I didn't for a second think I would be one of the unlucky ones to end up in a hospital bed for the remainder of my pregnancy.

So, here's how it all started. I came down to Denver for my monthly visit with my MFM (maternal fetal medicine) doctor. He did a routine ultrasound to check the twins' growth & development, as well as to check my cervical length. At this point, I was 3.6cm, which is great. No cause for concern, and in fact, he was so pleased that he didn't think we needed to check any longer.

Fast forward to last week. I head to my appointment with my favorite doctor up in our neck of the woods, gloating about how Dr. S in Denver wasn't worried about checking me anymore. He said, "No way. We're checking." We were shocked to see the screen: I was now measuring 2.4cm with funneling (cervix opening from the inside as Baby A's head & his water are pushing down, causing it to open inside out). Dr. P looked at me & said, "Strict bed rest. Shower & potty breaks only." He also asked me to come back in Monday of this week for a Fetal Fibronectin test which can indicate whether or not you are at risk for going into preterm labor within the next 2 weeks. Guess whose test can back positive? In the middle of The Bachelor, Dr. P's name comes up on my phone and my heart sank. It's always slightly unnerving when your doctor calls you from home at 8:30pm. He was worried. If he's worried, I'm worried.

My follow-up appointment was scheduled for yesterday afternoon to check my cervical length again. I was hoping for the best, but not surprised that things could go south. After a 45-minute wait, sitting in the ultrasound room with just a sheet over my bottom half, being as loud as humanly possible with Kylie, Dr. P finally waltzes in between other patients. 

I knew something was wrong as soon as I looked at his face & then immediately to the screen. I was seeing far more space next to my cervix than there had been last week. I was now down to 1.4cm with funneling. He turns off the machine and says, "I want you to get in the car & head to Denver to Labor & Delivery right now. I'll call to let them know you are coming, but I want you to go now." After he finally left the room, I sobbed uncontrollably on Kylie's shoulder. I didn't want to go, this wasn't fair, I didn't want to leave my baby, she wouldn't understand, I didn't want to sleep without my husband for weeks on end, and I didn't want to be alone in a hospital way in Denver. We waited in one of the rooms for a final word from Dr. P. He hugged me & said he was so sorry. We waddled out to the car & headed to Denver.

I called everyone I needed to on the way down to Denver, but finally had to stop because the crying was making my contractions worse. I needed to pull it together until I was able to be checked into the hospital. 

We arrived at 7 and I wasn't done being admitted until midnight. I couldn't keep my eyes open & I needed another good weep. I had been poked and prodded for hours: 2 shots in the butt, a shot in the arm, 3 vials of blood drawn, 3 belly monitors making indentations in my belly, tracking heartbeats and contractions. I was spent. I missed my girl. I didn't want Josh to have to sleep on the uncomfortable chair across the room. This wasn't the plan. 

I finally fell asleep around 1, woke up at 2:30am with contractions that needed to be monitored for 30 minutes. Woke again at 5am with more contractions and was never able to go back to sleep. Thank God for family on the east coast who were awake and willing to text a weepy, exhausted prego. 

After mandatory water immersion therapy in what can only be described as the least sexy table cloth I have ever worn, I finally had a follow-up ultrasound. I learned that after yesterday's cervical length check, which was 14mm, my cervix had funneled further & it is currently sitting at 7mm. Dr. P flipped when he called to check on me. He said I should be hanging upside down. Such a drama queen.

So, here I sit. A chai next to me, the clickety clack of visitors texting, a little blonde girl playing with everything in the room, canvases of my lovies throughout the room, and millions of texts and messages lighting up my phone every few minutes with words of encouragement, prayers and/or jokes. Even in the midst of frustration, a sore butt cheek and sadness, little joys are surrounding my hospital room. My sister is on her way from the airport with junk food & a million Christmas movies to help us pass the time. 

Thanks for following my updates. I'll let know when I know more. Love to you all.

xoxo,

a.