We open on Becca dripping snot from her nose, looking at old photos of Arie. Am I the only one thinking she dodged a bullet? If you didn't see Arie dump his fiancee on live television last season, put the baby in the crib, turn the sound machine on, and go hide for 2 hours. You'll need a snack, and possibly a paper bag to breathe into. #yourewelcome
Former Bachelorettes meet Becca to share some sage advice.
Jojo: This night is such a hopeful experience.
A room full of hot men who want me? Hopeful, sure.
I'm 5 minutes in, and if I hear this sorority shout, "let's do the damn thing" one more time...
Next, we get to meet some of the bachelors, showing off their muscles.
Clay cooked. Riiiiight.
Garrett. No.
Jordan is a hard pass. I don't want a man to be prettier than I am. "It is so hard to be model: I have to spray tan each week, spritz my hair with a sea salt spray, and I have to grow facial hair. It's really a curse to be so pretty."
Would it be against the contract if Becca proposed to Lincoln on night 1?
I've never seen someone else so intense about fruit the way Joe is.
What the hell is a colognoisseur, Jean Blanc?!
Colton, marry him. Just do it tonight.
Limos arrive
CH: Let's get these balls rollin'!
Kamil is a social media participant. I have no words.
Y tho?
The choir was nice and all, but this is all I see, Chris:
We are all shocked that there is at least one dude not "here for the right reasons."
I'm bored to tears listening to this dude try to pretend he's here for the right reason. Literally, have to look away from this conversation. Someone make this stop.
Becca to Jake: why do you want me now that I'm on tv?
Jake: No, I totally remember this one time that I met you.
And he's gone!
People are getting sent home, and it's night one. Have you never seen this show before?
I really don't see a front-runner for the first impression rose. This might be the most boring cocktail party I've ever watched.
OH! Garrett!? What?! Didn't see that coming. This season is going to be psychotic.
Rose Ceremony
This rose ceremony is always my favorite because the roses are really just based on looks. If there are tears from the rejected contestants, bonus!
Jordan: If the chicken stays and I go, I'd be so embarrassed, but I'm so pretty that it wouldn't matter.
Going home alone: Jake, Kamil, Joe, Darius, Chase, Grant, & Christian
It can only get less boring from here, ladies. Here's to hoping!
