Spring Forward9:43 AM
It's May 1st & it's snowing. When I think about the month of May, I remember the anticipation of school coming to a close. Teachers cared less, we cared less, & you could all but taste summer. It meant riding our bikes all day long, eating popsicles from the ice cream truck & being a sweaty, nasty, little kid mess for 3 months solid. So, after cruising the Caribbean for 8 days in 90-degree weather with a killer ocean wind whipping through our hair, I was mad as a hornet when we heard that snow was headed for Colorado on May 1st. Nonetheless, it's snowing & there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.
This post is an interesting one. I debated posting personal details because, as you all know, I am very private & don't like to share. So, it's happy & maybe a little bit of a bummer. No pity parties here - just life as it comes.
Our cruise came at the perfect time. We spent weeks acquiring summer clothes & shoes all while it was still dipping into the 'teens at night. I was literally buying flip flops & dodging snow as I went in & out of The Wal-Mart (Stacey). When a cashier asked what in the hell I was doing buying flip flops during a snowstorm, I told her we were going on a Caribbean cruise. She lit up & emphatically told me that she had done the same, & that the ONE THING I COULD NOT MISS OUT ON was getting my hair corn rowed by some locals. Sorry to tell you, Wal-Mart Wanda, I sadly missed out on that once in a lifetime opportunity.
The weeks ticked by slowly, as we waited for mid-April to approach. It's no secret that we want another baby, so when I was late & the 2 pink lines showed up on a test, I was excited. Cautiously excited. And from day 1, something was off. I didn't even make it to my first appointment the following week to begin a battery of tests & stomach injections. And while I was very upset & frustrated, we may have figured it out. It's my ovulation. It's "crappy" according to my off-beat doctor. So, we start fertility drugs in a couple months. I have heard of secondary infertility. I have friends experiencing this exact thing. I have handfuls of messages in my inbox of women you & I know struggling at this moment with primary & secondary infertility. I had no idea that I would have this issue. And Lord knows it's the exact thing that plays on your mind & emotions in that whole "I'm-not-a-whole-woman-because-I-can't-produce-a-baby-at-the-drop-of-a-hat."
I wasn't too excited to be having a miscarriage when we were headed out on a cruise, but the cruise wound up being the perfect distraction. I thought about it only a few times while we were cruising, & only when it was brought up. Perfect timing. I'm bummed because I had no idea it would be this damn difficult to have a second baby, but I'm GRATEFUL in a huge way that we have a plan & a reason for all of this. And who has time to have a pity party & be UNGRATEFUL when you're on a giant ship, full of food available to you 24/7, white sand beaches & turquoise water?!