Granny

This gloomy, rainy, sad day is perfectly fitting for what today marked. Today, my Granny passed away. I got word that she was gone, & minutes later, the sky got dark & the rain began to beat down. While heaven may be rejoicing that she's finally home, the world lost one of the greatest people ever to grace it with her presence. Granny was a one-of-a-kind, gentle, tender, darling, Pollyanna, & her void is felt greatly by friends & family who desperately loved her.

As a kid, we lived thousands of mile away from each other, but I never doubted that Granny adored my sister & I as much as the cousins who were close to her. She loved hearing from us, filling her in on the details of school & church, & making plans for our next visit. Some of my best memories were spent in Nashville during the sticky, humid summers. Granny made Nashville for me. It's Southern charm & hospitality have won me over, & I hope to move there someday, but I truly believe that what made me love it so much was Granny.

As we got to Granny's house, we'd walk up the stairs from the garage into the hallway, turning into our room with 2 twin beds, both decorated with matching red-flowered bedspreads. My sister & I spent many afternoons "playing office" at the desk with an assortment of pens & paper leftover from Grandaddy's work. At night, Granny would tuck each of us in, making sure the light was on in the closet next to us. She would kiss us goodnight, walk to the doorway, &, with a beaming smile on her face, would say, "Remember, if you need anything, just yell Graaaaaannnyyyyy!"

In the morning, after being awoken several times during the night by the sound of the train just on the other side of their property, the sunlight would come streaming into our bedroom, & we'd tiptoe down the hallway, through the living room, to a sliding door that closed off the kitchen. Before you opened it, pausing just in front of the door, you could hear the bustle on the other side: laundry running, the muffled tv, the crinkling of a newspaper, & the ding of the toaster oven. Upon opening the door, you were greeted with a "Good morning, suga'!" from Grandaddy & then a squeeze & a kiss from Granny. She'd get us settled into a chair & make us an English muffin with peanut butter & jelly, which to this day, I still love.

After breakfast came my favorite part of every Nashville visit. Granny would get dressed in one of her many polyester jumpsuits, & make her way into the dining room where the sunlight came pouring in through the wall-length windows. She'd smile & say that she needed lots of light to "draw her eyebrows on." I'd watch her slowly & methodically, apply each item of makeup in her case. She'd finish it up with her bright pink Revlon lipstick, & spritz herself with Red Door by Elizabeth Arden. It is probably my favorite smell in this entire world. I bought a small purse size bottle of Red Door about a year ago to keep with  me. I keep it in my bathroom drawer, & pull it out when I am missing her. I pulled it out today after I heard the sad news, & have been wearing it to feel her close. Once Granny had her eyebrows on, the sponge curlers had been pulled out, her hair had been perfectly teased & sprayed with half a bottle of Aquanet, we were ready to head out for shopping. It was always shopping. She was good at it. We'd pick a few outfits, Mom would tell us to pick our favorite, & Granny would insist that we get them all...just as long as we didn't tell Grandaddy. We'd hop in the giant Mercury & head out to the next store, all the while rifling through Granny's "pocketbook" for peanut butter candies & orange crackers with peanut butter to tide us over before inevitably heading to Krystal's for lunch. Granny jabbered every second we were all together. She was always so "tickled" to have us there, squeezed us every second she could, & had a smile on her face every moment of everyday that we visited.

My mind is flooded with a million memories of Granny today: the way she would say "you all" instead of "y'all" because it was more dignified, the softness of her skin, the cornbread with herbs in it, the small bottles of Dr. Pepper that she carried wherever she went, the creaks in the house, the smell of her perfume, the way she'd call us her little darlins, the panty hose she wore everyday of her life, the way she'd unwrap Hostess packets for her poker team on the Friday nights that she had to "bake." I could go on & on about the little things that made Granny so special. She had the sweetest quirks - they made up this darling, wonderful, loving, kind-hearted, tiny woman who made a huge impact on the people in her life. She loved everyone, never met a stranger, & blessed every person's heart she ever encountered.

I miss my Granny very much tonight, but my heart is happy knowing that she is in heaven with Jesus tonight. She is in the arms of her Mama & Daddy, & her sweetheart tonight, & I know that's right where she wanted to be. Someday I'll see her again, & I know I'll be greeted with a  giant hug & a "Well, hey, suga'!"

Goodnight, Granny. You are leaving behind a huge hole, but I am so thankful for every single memory I have of you. I will see you again someday. All my love.




Hi, my name is Andrea, & I'm a Recovering Baptist.

Today, it's all about Dad's. My husband, as many of you know, is a man of simple pleasures. His ideal day is sitting on our porch, smoking a stogey with a beer. As we sat together on our half-painted, half-chipped deck, I realized how terribly white trash we appeared, to which he quipped, "We're not sitting on a mobile home porch!" Touchรจ, honey. This is much better.

This past week has taken it out of us. Really, these past few months have been a frickin' doozy. So many things, out of our control, have befallen our family & have nearly knocked the wind out of us all. I sit here today, feeling entirely blessed to be able to say that my brother is ok. Getting the phone call that he'd had a gran mal seizure & was in a car accident had to have been one of the worst moments I've experienced. None of us knew what to expect. So, to see him, hobbling into his house not 4 hours after he totaled his car into a brick building was nothing short of jaw-dropping. It's in these moments that your faith is brought to light, & either made or broken.

I don't count it a coincidence that during the last few weeks I've wrestled with Who God actually is. I know that as I tossed & turned, cried & screamed at my ceiling in the most demure & lady-like fashion, that God was opening my eyes to Who He is.

My childhood was rough: a nice, manicured neighborhood, private Baptist school, new clothes every season, plenty of food (see old photos for proof). It's truly a miracle that I made it out alive. The Baptist school is where my story comes into play. I can't say I learned too much about the love of God in that environment. God was a big, scary, Gandolf-looking judge, whose sole purpose in my daily life was to make me feel condemnation, guilt, & fear. I can tell you that as a senior in high school, my philosophy teacher told my entire class that at some point in our lives, we would screw up so badly that God WOULD give up on us. It was too late. The foundation was laid, & I have spent the last 12 years of my life truly & utterly petrified of a God who uses His time to punish me & make me feel like a pile of cow dung. My first reaction to things (miscarriages, car accidents, etc...) is a very panicky "but I didn't do anything wrong!"


I can't say that I'm suddenly cured. I even told God the other day that I'd love just a lightning bolt moment where suddenly my thinking changed, & I understood the relationship & the love of God. I'm not cured of my Baptist ways by any means, but I was able to push through. It's still a little murky & I'm still learning to not be scared. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes you lose babies, sometimes your brother drives into buildings, sometimes you dye your hair & you look like a Oompa Loompa. We live in a fallen world, but that's where Jesus steps in & stands in the gap for you, interceding for you. Those are the moments when God tells that He weeps with us; His heart breaks as ours break. And those are the moments when I'm pretty sure God isn't a Baptist (don't go being offended, you Baptists. I'm just explaining my story).

I stole a term from my pastor's wife today: recovering Baptist. I want my girl to fall deeply in love with a God who deeply loves her & wants desperately to be a part of her daily life. That starts with me. Josh always tells me that this is simple - God feels about me the way that I feel about Maddie but on like a hugungous scale. I didn't know that God growing up, but He's pretty cool. He's a lot nicer than the Gandolf dude. And He thinks I'm super cool. Because I am, obvs. And by me loving Maddie that way, she, in turn, learns the love of God.


Today, I'm thankful. I have a Dad I love, & who taught me to smack a baseball down a street & leave people with a dropped jaw. I have a Papa who loves me like his daughter. I have THE coolest father-in-law who thinks the sun shines out of my girl's butt. I have a brother who is ALIVE (and if you saw the pictures, you know that this is a miracle) & who is a wonderful Daddy to his munchkins. I have THE most amazing, wonderful, darling, HILARIOUS husband who makes parenting look like a cakewalk. And I have a God who loves me, takes care of me, walks with me, talks to me, & Who wants to use every second of my life to show people that He's not scary - He's our BFF.

Spring Forward

It's May 1st & it's snowing. When I think about the month of May, I remember the anticipation of school coming to a close. Teachers cared less, we cared less, & you could all but taste summer. It meant riding our bikes all day long, eating popsicles from the ice cream truck & being a sweaty, nasty, little kid mess for 3 months solid. So, after cruising the Caribbean for 8 days in 90-degree weather with a killer ocean wind whipping through our hair, I was mad as a hornet when we heard that snow was headed for Colorado on May 1st. Nonetheless, it's snowing & there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

Go home, Spring. You're drunk.

I digress.

This post is an interesting one. I debated posting personal details because, as you all know, I am very private & don't like to share. So, it's happy & maybe a little bit of a bummer. No pity parties here - just life as it comes.

Our cruise came at the perfect time. We spent weeks acquiring summer clothes & shoes all while it was still dipping into the 'teens at night. I was literally buying flip flops & dodging snow as I went in & out of The Wal-Mart (Stacey). When a cashier asked what in the hell I was doing buying flip flops during a snowstorm, I told her we were going on a Caribbean cruise. She lit up & emphatically told me that she had done the same, & that the ONE THING I COULD NOT MISS OUT ON was getting my hair corn rowed by some locals. Sorry to tell you, Wal-Mart Wanda, I sadly missed out on that once in a lifetime opportunity.

The weeks ticked by slowly, as we waited for mid-April to approach. It's no secret that we want another baby, so when I was late & the 2 pink lines showed up on a test, I was excited. Cautiously excited. And from day 1, something was off. I didn't even make it to my first appointment the following week to begin a battery of tests & stomach injections. And while I was very upset & frustrated, we may have figured it out. It's my ovulation. It's "crappy" according to my off-beat doctor. So, we start fertility drugs in a couple months. I have heard of secondary infertility. I have friends experiencing this exact thing. I have handfuls of messages in my inbox of women you & I know struggling at this moment with primary & secondary infertility. I had no idea that I would have this issue. And Lord knows it's the exact thing that plays on your mind & emotions in that whole "I'm-not-a-whole-woman-because-I-can't-produce-a-baby-at-the-drop-of-a-hat." 

I wasn't too excited to be having a miscarriage when we were headed out on a cruise, but the cruise wound up being the perfect distraction. I thought about it only a few times while we were cruising, & only when it was brought up. Perfect timing. I'm bummed because I had no idea it would be this damn difficult to have a second baby, but I'm GRATEFUL in a huge way that we have a plan & a reason for all of this. And who has time to have a pity party & be UNGRATEFUL when you're on a giant ship, full of food available to you 24/7, white sand beaches & turquoise water?!








I have told very few people about this most recent miscarriage, but my comment every time is "there are worse things in the world." I'm not starving, sick, disabled, homeless, dirty or any of the other horrible things that are plaguing our world. I have the cutest little, pig-tailed toddler, the coolest husband in the world, whom I absolutely, stupidly adore, & a funny, wonderful extended family who make me grateful that there are therapists in this world. And I have hope because Jesus told a little red-haired 5-year-old that He was going to give me a "yellow-haired, baby girl" someday. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that He spoke to her little heart that day. One day, I'll have the second yellow-haired girl we dream of. And thanks to Adley, I have HOPE.

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