Square One11:12 AM
The blinking cursor is staring at me, taunting me of sorts. I suppose I have things to write, but they aren't what I want to be writing. When I started writing earlier this year, I had this Pollyanna outlook. Things were cheery & bright. They aren't dull & dreary, but they are more serious. There is a ray of sunshine laced through all of it, but still, I want to be writing about different things. I think all of this, but then when I have a dear friend email me, sharing her sad story of her miscarriage & the heartache & trepidation that she is feeling, asking for my advice...eh! It's worth it. If I have to do this, I want to be someone who helps other people. I want there to be meaning for other people through all of this. That's ok with me. In fact, it's pretty frickin' cool.
Life is moving forward. Christmas is 15 days away, most of the presents are bought & wrapped under the tree, Christmas songs are playing constantly & candles are aglow at all times of the day. I love Christmastime. If I could live in a Thomas Kinkade Christmasy town painting, I'd do it today. We are so looking forward to Maddie's excitement this Christmas. We're learning about baby Jesus & Santa - which should NEVER be combined in a front yard. Pick one.
And while life is whizzing past us, faster than I care to admit, we hit a road block. Late last week, I went for a routine exam, only to find out that I was given misinformation about our blood tests that I had done back in August. I, in fact, have a blood clotting disorder. I was both thrilled to hear that there was something wrong & pissed that they had been so careless with my information. I was told that everything came back perfectly fine. It's not true. My body is clotting too much & cutting off supply to the babes. So, in the spirit of moving forward, we are meeting with a new doctor & getting every test known to man to find out what is going on.
That's the short version. We know a few things, but we have a lot of things to uncover in the coming months, but that's ok. We're moving forward. Lots of exciting, FUN things coming up. Christmas, birthday parties, my Papa's coming to visit!
Merry Christmas from Maddie.