Keeping Up With...everyone else3:06 PM
I had an interesting conversation with a friend yesterday. A girl. A really nice, pretty, sweet, confident, friendly girl. Who wouldn't want to be her friend, right? Turns out, a lot of other girls.
This wasn't a first for me to hear this. I've talked to lots of girls/women/ladies about this topic over the last few years. I assured her that this was a fairly common phenomenon. It makes little sense to me, but this appears to be normal.
In high school, there is a group or genre for everyone. Popular, nerds, quiet, even loners have a group. It's somehow harder & easier in high school. You think as you embark on a new life, a new path, you will find more people that are similar to you as you venture out into the life you're meant to live. You will, inevitably, meet people who are interested in what you are interested in, & therefore, you will have friends that are even more compatible. This is how it should go...and maybe it does for some (or boys), but the common thread is that it doesn't.
Is it us? Is it the female population that makes it so difficult? Is it so much a competition that genuine, positive, uplifting friendships are less valuable than appearing better than your peers? I struggled for years to understand this. And obviously, I have all my sh** together & can say that this is clearly not me & I have never, ever competed with any other female. But for those of you who have fallen into that trap, let's discuss.
Where did we learn that this was socially acceptable behavior? When did we decide that appearing to have our sh** together was far more important than actually being a good, reliable friend? I prayed for years for a really close girlfriend. I had friends, great friends, in fact, but they came & went as life moved them on, & I found myself lonely. I wanted a girlfriend that I could call & be super inappropriate with, or one who I could call & say "Hey, wanna go wander around Target in your sweats with me?" A friend that I could do absolutely nothing with & be blissfully happy. I literally prayed for that friend for years. And God did, finally, answer that prayer a couple of years ago, but that didn't eradicate my questions as to why this occurs. I realize that as we get older, life gets in the way. Being a new wife or new mom can make these kinds of relationships difficult, but let's be honest: we all have nights where the house is quiet & we wish that we were sitting there with a girlfriend who gets us.
So, why, when we all feel this way, do we sit on our couches alone watching Friends reruns? Why don't we make the effort? Are we prideful? Maybe. Are we lazy? Probably. Are we embarrassed? More than likely a big hell yes. But what is the point, when we all crave it & need it as normal human beings, of sitting our rumps, feeling sad & alone, when we all know we need each other?
Hey! I just called BS on all you girls! We all feel this way. It's not just you. So, get over yourself.
Go make a girlfriend. Odds are, she's just as nervous & embarrassed as you are that you don't have a girlfriend. Show your daughters how to be a girlfriend. That's what I wanna show my girl.