I Don't Know Much, But I Know I Love You

My husband has an affinity for singing in a falsetto voice. It may be one of the most annoying + hilarious things he does. He does a lot of funny things. Like dancing around the room naked, provocatively to seduce me. He also does a lot of annoying things. Like putting his clothes ON TOP of the hamper. 'The hell is that?! He says it's so that I can make the decision about whether or not to wash it. If it's on top of the hamper, it was questionable to you. If it's questionable to you, I am going to think it needs to be burned.

When I got married married 6+ years ago, I thought marriage would be different. I thought we'd have sex 15 times a week, I thought we'd spend every night snuggled on the couch together watching TV, I thought the house would be clean all the time & I thought our child would never be the child who throws herself down on the floor in a fit of rage when she isn't allowed to get the damn toy at the register that they place at eye level so that your monster child will have a massive Britney Spears breakdown, and so, to save face from other judging mothers, you give in, & buy said toy to keep your child from screaming so loud & hard that they throw up in WalMart. 

Check out my Instagram to follow Maddie's #reasonsmytoddleriscrying series. New material everyday.

I digress.

Picking a spouse is a funny thing. When you fall in love, you have to GETMARRIEDRIGHTNOW. You want to start your life together, buy a house, make babies, buy the minivan to tote around your litter. The first year of marriage is easy. Blissful, even. He worked, I scrap booked. He was happy I had a hobby. We decided to get a credit card to help build our credit. In the spirit of helping us build our credit, I proceeded to spend $350 on scrap booking materials at Hobby Lobby. And he was pissed. Ummm, excuuuuuse me. I was trying to help our credit. #ungrateful

When you get married, you envision the more glamorous moments far more than realizing that, at some point, you will  be on the crapper, and your spouse will walk in. You don't think about watching them pick their nose at all hours of the day (sorry, honey). You don't think about cleaning lettuce out of the bathtub after your husband has stopped at Subway before his bath. You don't think about having a screaming toddler who is yelling, "STOP, MOTHER!" & looking at each other in disbelief that this is the precious little gift from God that you prayed for, waited for, & thought was the most heavenly thing ever created when she was a tiny, quiet, newborn bundle is now cursing you in her own toddler language because you had the audacity to tell her that she needs to go pee.

Time has a way of warping things. You change, you grow, you decide what actually are the important things in life. My house is messy. Yes. I clean, but it's less often now. I love sweat pants. And let's be honest, not wearing a bra is one of life's greatest joys. I think my precious husband thought I would get up each morning, put makeup on & dress cute. Bahahahaha! No, dear. No. Bless your heart, but no. We have been through really great times, and really awful times. You lose people you love, you lose babies, you lose your mind. Marriage is exhausting, but it's one of the coolest things I have ever done. It's way less glamorous & far more smelly I could have ventured to guess, but it's pretty damn cool. Who else is going to know that random things about you that no one else in the world would give a rip about? Like how my favorite word is brunch, or how he likes to eat Subway in the bath. Glamorous? No. Weird? Yes.

For all the weird crap that happens in marriage, the quiet moments far outshine the moments that make you want to smother them with a pillow, call your best friends, & ask them to help you hide a body. It's a weird thing, marriage. It's wonderful to get to have someone to love & laugh with, but it's a whole different ball game when you see how weird they are. But I love my weirdo. And for some random reason, he thinks I'm pretty cool too. He thinks I'm "pretty funny." One day he'll think I'm hilarious. One day.


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