JRo doesn't get it. "What is it about that store that is so amazing?"
Listen, my life consists of wiping asses that are not my own, living in constant fear that one or more of my offspring is going to kill him or herself, sniffing around all day in search of "whatever the hell that smell is," and hiding the fact that my hair is so greasy I could cook with it.
Target doesn't judge. Target understands. All in one beautiful store there are so many beautiful, shiny things to look at. The popcorn smell greeting you as soon as you enter has a nostalgic feel to it. Just a few steps in is a pretty, green lady promising caffeine for just $12 a cup. With Starbucks in hand, popcorn in your cart, it's time for the $1 spot. How do they know how badly we need a miniature terra cotta pot AND a 2-pack of clipboards? I need a pot for the seedlings I got last week in the $1 spot and I may need to clip some shit to a board. They get me.
If you are one of the fortunate moms to enter Target alone, you are inevitably taking a selfie to document this vacation.
Some are not as fortunate as you. You know her well. You have been her. She is dressed in something other than yoga pants, her hair & make-up are done, and she's not going to waste that on WalMart. It's 20 below out, but she's sweating when she hits the door. You see her bribing her children with popcorn or a cake pop, as she wipes sweat from her forehead, holding a screaming baby and negotiating with a condescending 6-year-old. You smile at her, offering your condolences that she is dealing with her minions in her holy place. You turn, sip your $12 coffee & smile to yourself, thanking all that is holy that your spawns are at home.
Thank God Target carries beer.
In just 3 short hours, you have bought dog food, a new blender, some chairs for your living room, more yoga pants, probably some shoes, diapers, your groceries, a new necklace, some batteries, a bra that doesn't look like something the cat puked up, a toothbrush, tampons, a new tv, and boxed wine if you are in any of the other 49 states that doesn't participate in prohibition (thanks, Colorado). In peace & quiet. Sipping Starbucks. Alone.
What's so special about Target, you ask? Everything. Everything is so special about Target.
If you're a #momoftarget, Instagram your selfie or your maniacs with the hashtag #momsoftarget! Happy Target-ing!