Monday Ramblings

The very thought of having twins was a joke in our house for a while. We knew chances were increased with the fertility drug I would eventually take, but it wasn't high enough that it worried us. I just liked to freak my husband out. And I did. Many times. I would feign sickness & tell him it was the twins. When we bought our new car, I stood on the car lot & said, "Maybe we shouldn't get this one...it could be triplets!" You couldn't have surprised me more than that day than when I saw two babies on my ultrasound. I take that back: seeing 3 babies would have made me faint.

The initial shock set in, I stayed in bed sick for 5+ weeks. Fast forward to Christmas, and this house, which is filled with pink toys, pink clothes, & enough baby dolls to fill an entire store, is now going to have not one, but TWO boys. I think I have one sword leftover from Maddie's party. So, I mean, we're all set.

Things move a little differently in a twin pregnancy. Some people have no issues at all while the majority of moms are put on bed rest at some point in their pregnancy. Never mind the fact that you are now trying to get your house ready for TWO more children. You are now confined to your room with Netflix & yarn for an undefined amount of time. You've seen the posts - I've never been so bored in my life. I'm making coffee dates for everyday of the week just to talk to other humans. Watching Angelina Ballerina & talking to a 3 year old about dragons & princesses can only tide me over for so long.

When I was pregnant with Maddie, I was a machine. The day we found out she was a girl, I called my sister-in-law & we painted her room. Shortly after that, all of her furniture was put together & in place. I took a week, and cleaned out the basement from top to bottom. It was so organized it was ridiculous. I have far more to do to prepare for the twins, far more things to purchase, far more organizing, sorting & pitching to do, and here I sit. It's overwhelming. I'm excited, but my little OCD, ADD, anxious personality wants to get moving, clean closets out, figure out where things need to go, clean out the dumb basement again.

Funny how things get prioritized when you're pregnant. I really wanted to finish our room. I started & never followed through. Now, it's all about making sure we have everything the boys need. Like a place to sleep & clothes that aren't pink. And while it's overwhelming to think of all the things they need, I'm learning patience. I think. I think that's this week's lesson. Maybe it's a lesson in not actually being in control. And while I wallowed, stressed & had the come aparts about getting the things for the boys + the photography issue, someone gently reminded me that God cares about what I care about. And His plan encompasses the things that I care about. *Please remind me of this when I start freaking out in an hour.*

/end rant

I leave you with this funny video. I am so glad that I have my dear husband's reaction to my ultrasound. Thanks to Evka for capturing it!

Please ignore the blanket over the window. We have trailer park roots.

16 weeks | 2nd Trimester

Well, we got the shock of a lifetime twice with this pregnancy. Our first shock was when we found out it was twins. The second shock was finding out that the twinkies are both BOYS. I can tell you, truthfully, that neither Josh or I ever thought boys were an option. Hello...1 in 3 chances they would be, but did it cross our minds? NO. We thought they'd be one of each or both girls. We talked over many girl names that we liked or didn't like. So, again, mama yelled out an inappropriate, "HOLY CRAP" on the Christmas video when Josh opened the card up & showed me this: 

If you didn't hear the story, here's how it went down. I had an ultrasound on Christmas Eve. Josh was at church all day, so I took my bestie along to the appointment. She & Dr. P were the only ones who saw the screen. I was totally thrown for a loop because Dr. P says, "This one has the ankles crossed. Boys don't do that." I was like, "ok, so, one girl." Dr. P & Kylie conspired in the corner, wrote down the gender in the card & sealed the envelope for us. Funnily enough, Kylie kept saying, "I can't look at you or you will know." There were so many different scenarios! How the hell could I have known by looking at her face?! Now I know... We waited until Christmas morning to open the card with our other presents & got that big, ol' surprise!

Look at those creepy, long toes. Yikes. I'll put shoes on next week.

How far along? 16.2 weeks {the belly looks MUCH larger than it did last week}
Babies are the size of an? Avocado
Total weight gain? 12.5 lbs. Thanks to Christmas, I packed on some extra weight this past week. Cinnabons are a must on Christmas {Santa brings them every year}, & it was worth it.  
Maternity clothes? Oh yes. 

Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep? Still crazy dreams, but I sleep pretty well. 

Miss Anything? Going to the store for more than 15 minutes at a time. After walking around or being on my feet for about 15 minutes, I have shooting pains & have to call it quits. I feel pretty wimpy & helpless, to be honest. I am no longer able to do the grocery shopping, so dearest Josh has taken that on each week. The grocery list was hilarious! The most detailed list you've ever seen, mapping out the store & where he could find each brand on which shelf. Usually my lists are shorthand, but this was about a full page of directions & instructions. 
Movement? I feel kicks & punches. They aren't strong enough to feel from the outside, but I can feel it. Otherwise, it's crazy monster gas. I swear they synchronized a somersault the other day.
Food cravings? Dark chocolate & salt. Kylie happens to have Salted Dark Chocolate...maybe she should bring some over...

Gender? TWO BOYS!

Belly Button In or Out? In.

Rings on or off? On.

Symptoms? Oh, the crying. I mean, for real. My poor, dear husband needs a spa weekend away from me. I don't think a day has gone by these past 2 weeks that I haven't cried about something. Today I cried because he was teasing me about selling Maddie's crib & using the money to go towards the boys' matching cribs. We stood in the hallway as I sobbed. I mean, he's bordering sainthood dealing with my bat-piss, crazy mood swings.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Overeating ( :

Labor Signs? Nope
Happy or Moody most of the time? Again, weepy.
Looking forward to? Deciding on names! We have a couple we like, but nothing we have decided are a definite yes. I think we need to decide now; he thinks we have plenty of time. Sometimes I look at him & think "you have no idea who you married do you?" #psychoobsessiveplanningnutbag

15 weeks | 2nd Trimester

I started out this week with a bone to pick. I am struggling with the weight gain, which is just not even that much, but it's bothering me nonetheless. This wound up being the back burner issue. 

As of Monday, I am on modified bed rest. This means painful boredom. According to Dr. P, I am not restricted to bed, but I need to be "laying down or resting more than not." If you've noticed an increase in texts or pins, it's because I have been in bed for 2 days. I do not like asking people to do things for me. I want to do things for myself & help other people if I can. However, things have to change a little. I am no longer allowed to do any heavy lifting (what about that toddler I have?!), no exercise, and I need to stay down a lot. Thankfully, the Christmas shopping is mostly done, it's the slow season for photography, & my husband mostly works from home. 

I ran a couple of quick errands today, but hubby took on the grocery shopping today. He's awesome! Because grocery shopping sucks. But he did great. Only got one thing wrong :) So, he can grocery shop & I will just lay around eating dark chocolate...**stocking stuffer idea to the fam**

So, if you have any tv series suggestions, I am all ears. I will be watching a lot Netflix in the coming months, so feel free to let me know what you're watching. We just started watching Alaska: The Last Frontier & OMG! I love it! I couldn't do it, but these people are amazing! And obviously, New Girl is a staple in my tv diet. If you could make Catching Fire come out on DVD in the next week or so, that'd be great.

Thanks for following the Twinkie adventure :)

I looked stupid in the one Josh took, so I'm going with the selfie.

How far along? 15 weeks
Babies are the size of an? Orange
Total weight gain? 9lbs. The rule of thumb with twins is 24lbs by 24 weeks. Let me tell you that to a girl who struggled to lose the last 20lbs, packing on 15 more in 9 weeks is a little hard to swallow. YES, I want to have the healthiest pregnancy possible, however, the VAIN girl in me is not loving this part. But, if I have to eat more dark chocolate & have a 2nd plate of spaghetti, I will do it. For the twins. 
Maternity clothes? And sweats. I love me some sweats.

Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep? Crazy, crazy dreams. So crazy.

Exercise? Not an option anymore. (I'm just so not sad)
Miss Anything? FREEDOM
Movement? Still feeling the one on the bottom most because there's too much chub in the way of the one on top.
Food cravings? Same. Spaghetti & salty stuff.

Gender? 6 days!!

Belly Button In or Out? In.

Rings on or off? On.

Symptoms? Fatigue

Anything making you queasy or sick? BOREDOM.

Labor Signs? Nope
Happy or Moody most of the time? So weepy. Pray for my dear, precious husband. I cry over everything. The come aparts over anything & everything.
Looking forward to? Deciding on names!

Why I Believe in Santa

Fairy tales were a staple in our house growing up. We had this incredible, giant fairy tale book that we read almost every night before bed. Mother Goose & Disney were just as important. I can remember countless times watching The Neverending Story, Time Bandits, Labyrinth and all the Disney classics. The key ingredient to these whimsical tales was a vibrant imagination. We believed in becoming a princess & riding off into the sunset with a legit prince. It was fun, imaginative & lighthearted.

We grew up believing in Santa...until the year my dad ruined it for my little sister accidentally, & I made her swear never to tell anyone. If a fat guy wants to squeeze his gut down my chimney & bring me presents, I'm not going to question it. We even did the Easter Bunny, which I admit at this late date, that I believed in a giant bunny who brought me candy for far longer than any kid really should. But hey, I had a healthy imagination. Talk about child-like faith.

On the flip side, we prayed every night, at every meal, and every time we got in trouble. We talked about Jesus in our house. I dressed up as Esther for Halloween one year. Don't ask. We were in Awanas, went to Sunday school, went to a Christian school. We had balance. We knew the difference between right & wrong, as well as good & evil. I didn't think that one day I would fly (although I hoped), I didn't think that Maleficent was going to come & make me prick my finger on a spindle, & I would fall into a deep sleep until some prince kissed me. I knew the difference between real life & fantasy. But oh, what fun it was to get lost in a movie of sword fights, flying dog things, David Bowie in creepy spandex making you find him in a crazy labyrinth, & even Santa.

I already know the reasons why people don't incorporate Santa into their families. That's fine. This isn't for you. I'm not looking to pick a fight, start a debate or even give anyone a platform. This is why WE do Santa. Why WE do fairy tales. Why WE do magical, mythical, fantastical stories. And why? Imagination. Whimsy. That's it. In our house, we love Jesus. We pray for others, we ask for things, we thank God for the things we have. We also watching movies about fairies who usher in the season. We read Harry Potter (well, the cool ones do...cough cough...Josh!). We play video games where we create worlds that are only possible in our imaginations. Is it an escape? Perhaps. Some people golf, some people take long baths. We love the ideas of Nutcrackers coming to life & dancing around in a beautiful ballet piece. We love falling in love with books that take you to imaginary places from Platform 9 3/4 into a castle somewhere in a deep, magical forest. Where good wins. Good always vanquishes evil.

You disagree? Cool. You won't change my mind, & I won't change yours. That's ok. We can still be friends. Unless your kid tells my kid that Santa isn't real. Then, I'm breaking up with you. If my kids love fiction, fantasy & stories of far off places, if they can get lost in books for hours at a time forgetting to eat or pee (Maren, I'm looking at you, girl), I will look in on them & smile. Oh, how I look forward to the day that my THREE (WHAT?!?!) kids find themselves entranced in a book that they can't put down because the Wesley has rescued Princess Buttercup from the ugly king dude, or Gandolf & Frodo are hugging & crying over a gold wedding band. You should have seen me banging out the Hunger Games series. Started on a Friday afternoon, finished book three on Sunday. Then I looked around & wondered what the hell I was supposed to do with my life now that it was over. Find another fantastical, whimsical, made-up world to get lost in.

xoxo.
a.

14 weeks | 2nd Trimester

Hi again. I realize because I posted a couple days late last week that this post seems fairly soon, but that's ok. You'll get over it. And again...at least my Mom will read it. 

Not much has changed since it's only been a few days. In 11 days, we may be finding out what we're having, so I am very very excited about that! 

She wanted her picture taken too!

How far along? 14.2 weeks
Babies are the size of a? Lemon
Total weight gain? 9 lbs
Maternity clothes? Yes! In fact, I had to stockpile some as a Christmas gift. No fun, but necessary. And at least they're cute.

Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep? Restless, but sleeping. I had a dream last night I gave birth to one of the babies (a boy) and they told me to wait until the next one was ready. So, I just walked around the hospital & then drove Kylie's truck around while I nursed the boy. I woke up disturbed. And impressed at my multi-tasking skills, really.

Exercise? Still too nervous to start anything. I will this week...I think...
Miss Anything? Sleeping without waking up to pee twice a night
Movement? Yeah, I feel the baby on the bottom more because there is more blubber in front of the top bunk bed baby
Food cravings? I want spaghetti e'eryday. I have now limited myself to twice a week because I'll be the size of a house otherwise.

Gender? 13 days & counting!

Belly Button In or Out? In.

Rings on or off? On.

Symptoms? Reflux.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Still smells. Especially people farting in stores as they crop dust in front of us unsuspecting victims.

Labor Signs? Nope
Happy or Moody most of the time? Weepy this week. I cried a lot Tuesday. The dog ruining my tree skirt was the final straw. Then I watched The Walking Dead (season 3) & sobbed uncontrollably when Rick realized that Lori died. But at least, I have a chance with him now. 
Looking forward to? Christmas!!

13+ weeks | 2nd trimester

Since you didn't know I was pregnant AND I prayed for death for so long, I didn't take many photos of the rapidly growing belly. Around 7 weeks, I was no longer able to suck in. By 10 weeks, it was unmistakable. Josh said many times that it was time to tell people. I, of course, took offense to that. He was calling me fat.

From week 5 til about the middle of week 10, I was in bed from the time my eyes opened until I could go back to sleep the next evening. I.was.miserable. I cried. Shocker. Because I was miserable. Rolling over made me want to vom. Eating made me want to vom. Not eating made me want to vom. I couldn't find anything to make me feel better. I will never eat another freakin' Saltine again in my life. Nothing helped. I didn't think I was going to make it. Let's just stop here a minute. As I write these overly dramatic statements, I realize that I have missed my calling: I should have been an actress. Every stomachache was the worst one I'd ever had. Every headache was going to be the brain aneurysm that killed me. Every burn in my esophagus was going to kill me. I mean, really.

Now that we are quietly & safely into the second trimester, I felt free (enough) to share our news. Our BIG news. So, now, you will get weekly pregnancy updates that you probably don't care about. That's ok. At least my Mom will read them.

I am still working on a better chalkboard, so bear with me as I get things in order, but here is where we are:

How far along? 13.4 weeks
Babies are the size of a? Peach
Total weight gain? 8 lbs {this whole telling you thing may end quickly}
Maternity clothes? Yes, please. You can't hide this thing anymore. Some stuff still fits. I rock my University of Indiana sweatshirts like whoa.

Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep? Dreaming so much at night. Also peeing a lot. A lot. No naps. 

Exercise? Restricted until now. Really nervous to start, but I'm going to stick to things like yoga & walking (whenever Siberia decides to leave us).
Miss Anything? Not really. My energy, maybe.
Movement? Some. I felt my first flutter last week, and now I'm starting to feel them more. The one on the bottom moves a lot. We witnessed that on the ultrasound as well.
Food cravings? Salt. Ermahgerd. Salt all the time, but I am restricting myself as much as I can. It's terrible for you, but I could just eat a handful of salt & be happy.

Gender? We'll find out soon!

Belly Button In or Out? In.

Symptoms? Headaches. I had them with Maddie. All you can take is Tylenol which is like taking a sugar pill.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Smells. Overpowering perfume is the worst offender. I stopped wearing perfume for the time being because smells just get me bad.
Labor Signs? Obviously not.
Happy or Moody most of the time? Moody. Let's just be honest.
Looking forward to? Finding out these twinkies genders really soon!

I'm sorry...how many babies are in there?

Yes, we're having twins. No, we did not plan that. Yes, there are twins on BOTH sides of our families. Yes, I took fertility drugs. No, I did not know we had twins in the family until after said drugs were swallowed. Thanks for leaving that bit of information out, Grandma.

I have been absent from this blog for 2 reasons. One is because one of the last blogs I wrote created a poop storm & burned my biscuits enough to take a step back. That was wrong. I don't care about other people's snarky attitude towards my snarkiness. Reason number two is because I was trying to keep the biggest secret of my life. I did ok. I slipped sometimes or just needed someone to know, so I told. I told more people than I wanted to. And every time it slipped out, I believed that it was a jinx - no, I don't believe in jinxes, but I believe in my crappy miscarriage history & how that has played out so well. I knew that people would ask questions (many of you did. So nosy.) because I had been vocal about taking fertility treatments. Naturally, people want to know the outcome. In all honesty, I believed if I told people before yesterday that it would like the other times where I'd have to make an announcement that, once again, my body rejected everything & I was miscarrying. Even as I type that, fear creeps in that it could still happen.

But enough of that. Twins are coming. In May. I laid in bed for about 5 weeks straight, sick as a dog, but I am feeling much more like myself these days. Yes, I am excited. Yes, I am utterly terrified. When we made the announcement, the reality of what life is going to be like, the reality that there are TWO growing babies inside of me, the reality that I am going to be as big as a barn hit me like a ton of bricks. And I sobbed. Hard. For 24 hours. The kind words, the texts, the offers of help & encouragement were overwhelming. I'm not confident that I can do this. In fact, most days, I'm sure I can't, but that's neither here nor there any longer. I don't have a choice. I have to do this. And I have to be good at it.

Now that my slight freak out is over, the excitement can begin. I have an ultrasound on Christmas Eve. My favorite doctor, Dr. P, is going to see if he can determine both genders. If he can, we'll have him write it down, seal it in an envelope & we'll open it Christmas morning with all of our other presents! Pray those 2 cooperate because what a rad Christmas present!

Thank you all for your kind words, words of encouragement, offers to help, prayers, love & support, and everything in between. They mean the world to me. I feel loved & supported like I never have. Thank you for sharing in our joy. Side note, you're always welcome to bring me a cookies n cream shake. Just sayin.

xoxo,
A.