Why I Don't Care Who You're Voting For

Guess what? I don't give a flying unicorns left testicle who you are voting for. I mean, I will judge you privately, but that's just life.

Why? Why don't I care? Because, ultimately, your greatest accomplishment in life is raising your spawns to be decent human beings. Your kids are the ones in school with my kids. I work hard everyday to be sure that I am not raising children who will become asshole adults. I feel that it is only fair that you do the same, mmmmkay?

When Maddie comes home from school and says she complimented a little girl's polo shirt and the girl tells her to shut up, I feel two things: angry at your kid and angry at you. Yeah, it's a polo shirt, so really, it's about as attractive as a muumuu, but whatever. She's being sweet, and your kid was being a jerk.

Image result for bratty kids

I will concede that, at the ripe ol' age of 6, PMS has begun to seep out of their pores. I feel it. I see it. It's internal and cannot be controlled. It's why adults eat chocolate, watch A Walk to Remember on repeat, and guzzle a box of wine when our hormones turn on us. This is also why I fear Hillary being voted in - the PMS could rage and someone could get wiped off the planet just for the hell of it.

I digress.

Vote for whoever you'd like, but please, for the love of all that is holy, raise your tiny humans to be contributing members of society who play nice with others. Children are the future - let's not turn them into future assholes.

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