The Best Damn Bachelor Recap | Week 5

2:23 PM

I'm not an idiot!

You know it's going to be good when this is the opening line.

Rose Ceremony

Emotional intelligence vs. maturity. I feel like both of these took a hit as I proceeded to watch these two idiots try to figure out the difference.


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Corinne: You don't even know what emotional intelligence is.
Taylor: I just had to explain what it is to you, idiot.
Corinne: I just wanted to see if you knew what it was, you stupid bitch.

Emotional intelligence embodied.

Corinne: You don't say "hi" to people in the morning, therefore, you are a bitch.
Taylor: I'm not going to be fake AF like you, idiot.
Corinne: You're stupid, you're alone inside, and the entire house hates you and your stupid, alone face.

Cut to Corinne running off to tell Nick how emotionally stunted Taylor is and that she's a mean girl. Girl is a straight sociopath.

Omggggg. I'm so scared for you, Niiiiick. I just don't want you to get hurt because Taylor is the living worst. And I wouldn't say it, but I just care sooo much. And so emotionally intelligent that I needed to tell you behind Taylor's back that she's awful so YOU don't get hurt. HASHTAG:WINNING.


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Bye, Assy!!

Nick: It just gets harder and harder.

That's what she said.

N'awlins

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Nick heads out to Bourbon Street with Rachel for the first one-on-one date. 

I like her, but I just stare at that gap. I can't.

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Why is he eating this beignet like a monkey?

As with all initial one-on-one dates, Rachel takes the opportunity to tell Nick about the last time she was in New Orleans for a funeral.

Nick: That's kind of crazy.

Group Date

All you need to know is that all were asked out on the group date except Corinne & Taylor. It's gon' be epic.

Group date is in a haunted house. 

Raven: I will rebuke those ghosts in the name of Jesus.

Ghost May's dolly is the creepiest shit I've ever seen. Burn that thing.

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Then, we move onto the Ouija board. 

This is, literally, the worst group date ever. 

Omg, I'm like barely even touching it and it's moving.

That's what she said.

Nick: Ghost or not, these dates are invaluable. Quote of the year.

Danielle L.: I know we're hunting for a ghost and all, but I like love you and I thought you should know now before this creepy AF doll murders us all.


Two-On-One Date

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#makeamericacorinneagain Someone please make this narcissist go away.

So much of this date is talking heads bashing the other girl. 

Taylor: I'm so emotionally intelligent, and she's a manipulative bitch.
Corinne: She's all wrong for Nick. I don't like her.

Omg. Haunted houses and now voodoo teacher? I can't.

TeacherVoodoo dolls are for healing. Riiiiight.

This woman is legit. Her business is a table in the middle of a fecking swamp. Where do I sign up?

Reader: There's someone around you who has a tendency to be very very nasty.

No shit, Sherlock. You just asked her to leave.

Corinne wants to let Nick know once again that Taylor called her stupid and she's mean and annoying. 

Nick to Taylor: You're bullying Corinne by calling her stupid. 

CorinneHow do you make a voodoo doll specific to a person? I think I saw this book on Amazon...

Taylor: Their relationship will be built off of whipped cream and lies. 

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Corinne: There's no way you're a mental health counselor.
Taylor: Bitch, please. Let's talk about you "running" a multi-million dollar company.
Please shut up. You're both stupid and emotionally unintelligent. Your arguments are invalid.

Nick: Taylor and Corinne clearly aren't friends and have some conflict, but it's about them. This is about me. It's not an easy decision, but I feel like I know what I need to do now: leave Taylor in the woods alone while Corinne & I go make out.

Corinne: Dear Diary,
Today I learned that Corinne is far from a  f***ing idiot, and I feel like a pathetic loser for judging her PERIOD

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Taylor has an exorcism of sorts. I am the water sign. I'm the one that is emotionally intuitive and aware. I'm not going to go home without making a scene.

Corinne: Gasp! WTF is she doing here?!

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