Groundhog Day

Stay-at-home moms get a bad rap. Yes, we stay in our yoga pants all day, but this is not a choice. It is by default. I try to look like a girl more often than not as the boys have gotten a little older, but I will admit that most days I'm rocking the mom bun, yoga pants, & I'm free-boobin' it.

If you have ever wondered what it is like to have twins & a toddler, have ever desired to have this combination or happen to fall into this scenario, allow me to enlighten you to how things run around here.

Somewhere between 6:00 & 6:30am: boys wake up to nurse. I am, usually, deep into a creepy dream about an ex-boyfriend and drooling on my pillow, but I stumble in, grab the boys & nurse as I fight sleep. Boys go back down.

7:00am: In a hushed whisper, as close to my face as humanly possible, "MOM! MAMA! CAN YOU TURN ON A CARTOON FOR ME?"

Turn on cartoon. Back to bed.

8:00am: "MOM! MY CARTOON IS OVER. CAN I WATCH SOMETHING ELSE? AND I'M ALMOST STARVING. CAN I HAVE SOME CEREAL?"

Cereal, cartoon. Back to bed.

9:00am: Boys wake up. Nurse.

9:01am: Insert Chai tea IV.

The morning is a blur as walkers are whizzing around the room, Maddie is, as per usual, lining up her toys and yes. You guessed it. In her underwear.

9:30am: Feed the boys vomit cereal breakfast.

10:00am: Pile into the big bed for cuddling, talking, phone games, and to annoy the bejeezus out of the parents.

10:05am: I'm over it. Emails. Boys are fussing by now. Naptime.

11:00am: Boys are awake. Time to take photos of the boys in their swag for the blog. 

- Set up the room. 

- Dress the boys.

- Get Maddie to jump around like an idiot to make them smile.

- Lose my shit because Jax is trying to roll off the bed & kill himself, Jett is sucking on his shirt, his shoes or his fingers, and Maddie is screaming at the top of her lungs.

- Manage to get ONE shot. Post it. 

- Pretend like life is picturesque.

- Dry my pits that are now dripping sweat.

Her Tiny Tribe                                                                   Made by Molly

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12:00pm: Lunch. The boys get bottles, Maddie wants "sprinkle cheese and 5 pieces of apple." Ugh. Fine. Eat whatever you want.

12:30pm: Boys back down. Threaten Maddie with naptime if she doesn't hurry up & finish her damn food.

1:00pm: Silence. 

2:00pm: Once I have reached the end of Pinterest, Instagram & Facebook, work my fat ass out. 

2:45pm: Shower. Look like a girl again. Take a selfie to prove that I got dressed. And because #narcissism.

3:30pm: They are awake. Snacks. Cartoons. More chaos in the living room.

This happened. Texted Maren, begging her to tell me that it was ok that the kids were driving me crazy, so I hid in the pantry, dipping my carrots in Nutella. She assures me this is normal.

4:00pm: Operation: get these kids out of my house, unless it's spring thru fall & then I'm FREEEEEE. Working, but FREEEEEE.

Kids vs. no kids. Either way, there's always Starbucks.

- Kids: hoofing it through Centerra, sweating & swearing under my breath that I will never ever take these monsters angels out in public by myself again.

And the comments.
"Oh my! You have your hands full."
"You aren't having more, are you?"
"Bless your heart. You must be exhausted."
"Are they twins?" "No, I stole one."

- Working: jumping around, making fart sounds to make other people's kids laugh. 

5:30pm: In the door. Pants off, bra off, hair up. Dinner.

6:00pm: Bath.

6:30pm: Nap. 'Toons for Maddie. Emails, editing, cleaning.

7:00pm: Bath for Mama. Really, this is just me laying in the bath, Instagramming.

8:00pm: Editing, emailing, rewashing the laundry I put in that morning.

9:00pm: Maddie is down for the night. Friends marathon for Mama.

10:30pm: Bottles for the boys. Adult time. And by adult time, I mean, we both lay next to each other on our phones while Parks & Rec plays on the TV. 

11:00pm: Pillow over my face, drooling.

6:00am: Wake up, repeat.

Most days I think, "What the hell was I thinking?" But then, this:

And I'm like, "You guys are so lucky you're cute."

Happy Thursday, moms. We're all having the same day. Go hide in your pantry & spoon some Nutella into your mouth. We've all done it. No judgment. Just solidarity. 

The Twinkies' Birth Story: Part 2

Some parts of part 2 need to be filled in by my husband and my mother-in-law. I was a zombie for most of Friday, so even though I was given loads of information, it has been permanently lost in my brain abyss. As soon as I got loopy right before the C-section, information was no longer clicking in up there.

Jax was born at 12:36pm. He was a gray, bloody mess, but he was a doll. As soon as Dr. P lifted him over the curtain, I was crying. I have mentioned before that I am an ugly cry-er, so I'm sure that Maren's pictures will show you the hideous face I made. They whisked Jax to his warming bed and he instantly began to cry, which made me cry more. Josh stepped over to see him, came back to me, touched his forehead to mine and with tears in his eyes, he said, "he's so cute!"

Jett quickly followed as he was yanked from his spot in my rib cage at 12:38pm. Jett was all arms & legs as Dr. P quickly lifted him up for me to see him. Between tears, feeling barfy and the realization that I just gave birth to twins, it didn't dawn on me that I hadn't heard Jett cry yet. I had a limited view, but I knew that there was a barrage of nurses surrounding the boys, furiously working on a cry. He finally cried. Moments later, the boys were whisked out of the OR and were in the NICU in less than a minute. I happened to be lucky to have been in the dark at this point. I was crying, I was threatening to puke on Josh yet again, and I was busy listening to Dr. P quote lines from the movie "Pitch Black" while he removed placentas, and apparently, some organs, according to Josh.

The once-quiet NICU was now abuzz with nurses and doctors working on getting my boys stable, namely Jett. What wasn't mentioned in the OR was that Jett's cord was wrapped around his body a few times. We were unsure of whether or not he was without oxygen or if he was even getting blood flow back in from his cord. I appreciate that no one acted hysterical or alarmed while I lay on that operating table. I was already taking deep breaths to try to keep the vommies at bay, so hearing that would have flipped me out.

***

I have been waiting for this information for a couple of days, and just asked our AMAZING NICU nurse last night about what happened when the boys came out. Jax was taken out & his nurse, Susan, got him under the warmer and on a C-pap immediately. He responded very well. Jett apparently wasn't done being in utero, so things took a while with him. Before Dr. P pulled Jett out, they found that he was facing the wrong way & had to be turned (OW!) and his cord was wrapped around his arms and legs, and he was gripping it, cutting off blood flow to his little body. He was immediately put under the warmer and put on the C-pap, but had to have a little help getting breathing consistently - he didn't need resuscitation, but he needed more stimulation to get motivated to breathe.

Both of the boys were taken to the NICU, shortly thereafter, where Jett was intubated and given surfactant. Surfactant is used to lubricant the lower lungs to help get them moving on their own. Jax was taken off the C-pap after an hour or so, and was given oxygen through a canula. Jett was taken off his C-pap a while later as well. For the first days, both of the boys had to have an OG tube (oral) for their feedings, but then graduated to the NG tubes (nasal). Jax has ripped his out a million times, and was able to take his feedings by bottle for a couple of days, but he tires out quickly and does half and half now. My little Jett is still relying mainly on his NG tube for his feedings, and is back on oxygen at the moment.

Jax & Jett are doing better everyday. The main thing now is learning to eat. Being preemies, one of the last things they develop in utero is the suck, swallow, breathe routine, and they weren't in long enough to learn it. They are now developing that skill. Jax is able to do over half of his feedings with his bottle before his little body tuckers out and he has to finish through his NG tube. Depending on how awake Jett is, sometimes we try a bottle, but more often than not, I let him sleep during his feedings and opt for the NG tube. His little body is working so hard that it's just better to let him sleep, rather than expend too much energy.

And have you ever seen cuter boys?! Omgeeeee! I just stare at them the whole time I am with them, and then stare at pictures when I'm not with them.

Pray for our litter. Maddie has been sick since Saturday, and I haven't been able to see her. Josh & his parents are taking care of her, but, as a result, the 4 of them are unable to come visit the boys. This was not the transition to twindom that I was hoping for. I was really hoping to make this far less painful than it seems to be.

Thanks for the love, prayers, texts, emails, comments, etc. We appreciate it all.

xoxo,
a.

The Twinkies' Birth Story: Part 1

Yesterday, I got up at 7:30am for a routine prenatal check-up. I was tempted to skip the appointment because I was getting super frustrated with being violated checked every few days, only to hear that there had been no change. I had been waking up the past 4 nights with terrible, bearing down contractions that were 2 minutes apart and lasted for about 30 minutes. Because I knew the routine, I waited them out, and eventually, they stopped.

The same thing happened in the wee hours of the morning on Friday. I was suddenly awakened by horrible contractions around 2am, they died down, and then I slept fitfully for the rest of the night. I woke up at 7:30 with contractions that were painful, but not terrible. I proceeded to get ready (hair was the priority), grabbed a banana & a protein bar, and headed out the door with my MIL.

Contractions were 4 minutes apart, but still not horrible, so I didn't say much. Every once in a while, one would get painful, I'd have to stop & breathe through it, and then I'd move on. Walking into Dr. P's office, I was cranky. I had already declared to Josh that when Dr. P announced no change in my cervix, I was going to karate chop his throat. Pregnancy makes me so dainty & feminine. 

Dr. P walks in and asks me if I had eaten breakfast...random, but yes, I had. He uses the doppler to find the heartbeats, I peel my "skivvies" off, as he likes to call them, take a deep breath & watch him focus. He smiles & says, "Head up to L&D. You're a 4 or a 5. Let's have some babies." As in true Andrea form, nothing motherly escapes from my mouth: "are you shi**ing me?" "I shi* you not," he replies. So, I dress, head up to L&D, and am eventually put on the monitor. The boys look great, but suddenly the contractions have picked up. They are quite painful & now 2 minutes apart.

Last belly shot! 

And can we just pause a moment to thank my hairdresser for making me look fabulous for surgery!?

Here's the weirdest part. For the 2+ hours that I was up in L&D being monitored, I was in a weird zen-like state. I texted the family & closest friends I needed to text. All very matter-of-fact. Not Andrea-esque in any way. I should have been more hummingbird-like, but I just wasn't. I was in shock. I was planning on karate chopping my doctor that morning, not having TWO babies. So, I chatted & texted & breathed through contractions. We had gone from "c-section in 8 hours" to "you won't make it that long - probably 4 hours" to "you're going in in 30 minutes." It moved fast. And that was fine with me. Then, I got up to pee. And it hit me. I laid back down in the bed while I was "prepped" for surgery "down there," closed my eyes and the room was so loud that it felt like I had turned on a white noise machine. It was hitting me right now. I no longer wanted to do this, I wanted my girlfriend, Maren, my photographer, to leave and I wanted to go back to bed. I wasn't ready.

They put a sexy hair net on my head, threw a warm blanket over my shoulders and we waddled walked to the OR. It was a bright room with lots of sunlight, but it was chilly. I hopped up on the operating table, and they began the process of inserting my spinal. I was floating just 2 minutes later. Suddenly, the room was abuzz. There were 5 nurses surrounding each incubator, my nurses, the anesthesiologist, and Dr. P. My husband & Maren came in shortly after.

He's the best! Dr. P paused for a picture before heading in to slice me & dice me like Dexter. And ladies, he's single & ready to mingle.

Josh kept his forehead to mine for most of the surgery, talking to me, telling me he loved me, and making jokes. He even held up the air sickness bag at maximum arms length when I started to heave from the medication. He jumped up to see the boys as they arrived, and to witness the murder scene that was unfolding in the OR. He was sure this was how I was going to die. I cried the second Dr. P lifted Jax out to show me my first little boy! He was the cutest little old man I'd ever seen. They jostled me around some more & out came Jett, the other cutest little old man I'd ever seen. Jax quickly cried his cry of indignation, but Jett took a bit to make some noise. They were both quickly rushed out of the OR & into the NICU. Their story to continue in Part 2...

Jax Thomas (4 pounds, 9 ounces; 18 inches)

Jett Lucas (5 pounds, 3 ounces; 18 3/4 inches)

The anesthesiologist announced that I would feel sick now because they were "putting my uterus back into my body." I don't know if him saying it or them actually doing it made me sick, but I was heaving again. They began to get placentas out and stitch me back up, and I was relieved to know I was almost done. The nurses cleaned up the murder scene, Dr. P leaned over & kissed my cheek, shook Josh's hand & we were rolled out the door to recovery. Josh headed off to see the boys, and I closed my eyes in recovery with Maren, & then, Kylie at my side.

The rest of the day was a blur. I was rolled into the NICU from recovery after an hour, but wasn't able to see much. I was able to touch Jax, but Jett was having some breathing issues, so it wasn't as easy for me to get through the sea of nurses to touch him. I spent the rest of the afternoon laying in bed, resting, finally eating, hearing tons of information that people swear they told me, but I have zero recollection of hearing.

Yes, the boys are doing well. Yes, I will update you about the first 24 hours with them. Yes, I am doing well. And yes, I am in pain, but I'd choose a C-section over natural any day. And before you blow up my phone asking about Jett, I will tell you everything tomorrow. He's doing GREAT, and every update we get is an improvement from the last one. I will probably be headed home Monday, but they will, more than likely, be here for about a month.

Thanks for reading, caring, praying, texting, and loving our litter. Look for Part 2 of the Twinkies' Birth Story tomorrow. Right now, I get to milk myself pump for the boys and then I'm going to go snuggle them some more.

xoxo,
A.