If you have ever wondered what it is like to have twins & a toddler, have ever desired to have this combination or happen to fall into this scenario, allow me to enlighten you to how things run around here.
Somewhere between 6:00 & 6:30am: boys wake up to nurse. I am, usually, deep into a creepy dream about an ex-boyfriend and drooling on my pillow, but I stumble in, grab the boys & nurse as I fight sleep. Boys go back down.
7:00am: In a hushed whisper, as close to my face as humanly possible, "MOM! MAMA! CAN YOU TURN ON A CARTOON FOR ME?"
Turn on cartoon. Back to bed.
8:00am: "MOM! MY CARTOON IS OVER. CAN I WATCH SOMETHING ELSE? AND I'M ALMOST STARVING. CAN I HAVE SOME CEREAL?"
9:00am: Boys wake up. Nurse.
9:01am: Insert Chai tea IV.
The morning is a blur as walkers are whizzing around the room, Maddie is, as per usual, lining up her toys and yes. You guessed it. In her underwear.
9:30am: Feed the boys
10:00am: Pile into the big bed for cuddling, talking, phone games, and to annoy the bejeezus out of the parents.
10:05am: I'm over it. Emails. Boys are fussing by now. Naptime.
11:00am: Boys are awake. Time to take photos of the boys in their swag for the blog.
- Set up the room.
- Dress the boys.
- Get Maddie to jump around like an idiot to make them smile.
- Lose my shit because Jax is trying to roll off the bed & kill himself, Jett is sucking on his shirt, his shoes or his fingers, and Maddie is screaming at the top of her lungs.
- Manage to get ONE shot. Post it.
- Pretend like life is picturesque.
- Dry my pits that are now dripping sweat.
12:00pm: Lunch. The boys get bottles, Maddie wants "sprinkle cheese and 5 pieces of apple." Ugh. Fine. Eat whatever you want.
12:30pm: Boys back down. Threaten Maddie with naptime if she doesn't hurry up & finish her damn food.
1:00pm: Silence.
2:00pm: Once I have reached the end of Pinterest, Instagram & Facebook, work my fat ass out.
2:45pm: Shower. Look like a girl again. Take a selfie to prove that I got dressed. And because #narcissism.
3:30pm: They are awake. Snacks. Cartoons. More chaos in the living room.
This happened. Texted Maren, begging her to tell me that it was ok that the kids were driving me crazy, so I hid in the pantry, dipping my carrots in Nutella. She assures me this is normal.
4:00pm: Operation: get these kids out of my house, unless it's spring thru fall & then I'm FREEEEEE. Working, but FREEEEEE.
Kids vs. no kids. Either way, there's always Starbucks.
- Kids: hoofing it through Centerra, sweating & swearing under my breath that I will never ever take these monsters angels out in public by myself again.
And the comments.
"Oh my! You have your hands full."
"You aren't having more, are you?"
"Bless your heart. You must be exhausted."
"Are they twins?" "No, I stole one."
- Working: jumping around, making fart sounds to make other people's kids laugh.
5:30pm: In the door. Pants off, bra off, hair up. Dinner.
6:00pm: Bath.
6:30pm: Nap. 'Toons for Maddie. Emails, editing, cleaning.
7:00pm: Bath for Mama. Really, this is just me laying in the bath, Instagramming.
8:00pm: Editing, emailing, rewashing the laundry I put in that morning.
9:00pm: Maddie is down for the night. Friends marathon for Mama.
10:30pm: Bottles for the boys. Adult time. And by adult time, I mean, we both lay next to each other on our phones while Parks & Rec plays on the TV.
11:00pm: Pillow over my face, drooling.
6:00am: Wake up, repeat.
Most days I think, "What the hell was I thinking?" But then, this:
And I'm like, "You guys are so lucky you're cute."
Happy Thursday, moms. We're all having the same day. Go hide in your pantry & spoon some Nutella into your mouth. We've all done it. No judgment. Just solidarity.
YES!!!!!!!!! So much awesome here. And truth. And nutella. :)
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