The calm before the storm. I should have known. Things were good. Going along smoothly. I usually have the prickly sensation that change is coming, but I was caught off guard by some of it. A little change is natural, normal, expected. A lot of change all at once is exhausting, maddening & so emotional.
I love watching the changing of the seasons. This tree in my in-laws neighborhood gives me butterflies every time I drive past it. It's August, but the summer is nearing to a close. The mornings are cooler & crisper. I love taking my chai out on the deck & talking on the phone. Love it. And I can do it again, & not be eaten alive by mozzies. These are the changes that I love, that inspire me to write, to decorate, to read a good book. These changes are predictable, carry a sense of nostalgia & comfort with them. There's been a lot of changes this summer. Some great, some bittersweet. Old chapters closing, & new chapters just opening. Saying goodbye to a house we've loved & made me so many memories in, but looking forward to the new house where even better memories will be made. Because we will choose to make them good.
Did I know that before this summer? Maybe. Maybe it was in there, but I didn't know how badly I wanted it. I loved our baby. Hopelessly. My heart is broken for the love that I felt for that itty bit, but I'm a better person for having loved hard. I love my family desperately, but I don't get to see them very often. That hurts, but oh well. I've watched friends come & go. It hurts sometimes, but oh well. Maybe all the hurt & sadness was to get me to this point - to love really, really hard. If that's the case, I'm happy to be here.
The summer started with a list of to do's. It started on a note of happiness. A decision to make this the summer to remember for my girl. We accomplished a lot, did a lot of fun things, met some new friends, & ate a lot of good food. The summer is ending with a list of people I'm thankful for. People who make me smile every time my phone buzzes or rings with a call or a text. People who have loved us & who we have loved back.
This summer started with things. It's ending with people.
As the great poet Tupac would say:
We gotta make a change...
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do what we gotta do, to survive.
All my love,