The big FAT post

I hate writing about controversial topics. I'm not good at it. I don't want to debate about it. Not that weight loss is controversial, but you usually get some eye rolls with a post about it. I get it - it irritates me to see it too much, but I guess, as it is part of my story, I will blog about it. So, roll your eyes, punks. I don't care. I ain't mad at ya. Because sugar, you can't deny this change:

58 pound difference

I was never good at eating healthy. I was a bean pole as a kid, so I never thought about it. The only thing that I remember is my sweet, gentle, loving Grandma saying "You know, kid, you won't be able to eat 2 Big Mac's & stay skinny forever." I'd pause mid-bite & roll my eyes, only to continue onto the second Big Mac & large fries.

Bean pole status

 Unfortunately, Grandma was right. I started gaining in high school. I was overweight, had to put my large butt in a sexy school uniform with pleated khaki pants, & it was not pretty. So, I did what every teenage girl does...I starved myself. I ate 1,000 calories a day & ran every single day. It worked. I lost 15lbs in a couple of months. I had no idea that this would set a course for the next 10 years of my life. And it wasn't a course that I would wish on anyone.

Post-starvation

I graduated, started college & gained it back. I didn't care. I was dealing with extreme anxiety, & food was the only comfort I found. My parents were separated, I hated school & I had no idea what I was going to do with the rest of my life. They implore you, at 18, to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. Seems a little stupid to me, teachers. I started teaching preschool, & continued to bounce around on the scale. I did the Atkins diet & lost 30 pounds, only to gain it back shortly after.

Atkins

I was overweight when we got married, but I was ok. I wasn't a beast, but I wasn't teeny. I look back on the photos & wish that I had tried. I didn't. I was working at a horrible salon, with a horrible boss, I was in a new state & feeling out of my element. Food was always there for me. After we got married, I gained 30 pounds (probably more, but I didn't have a scale at that point because who would want to know beyond that). I was spinning out of control. I was teetering on the edge of letting go completely & no longer caring, but being scared to death that this was the path I was headed down. I wanted babies, & I didn't want to be unhealthy. But I really like donuts. Those stupid things get me every time.

Wedding. Duh.

By the time my birthday hit in 2009, I was down 15 pounds & we were ready to try for a baby. By June, I had lost 2 pregnancies & I was devastated. My anxiety had skyrocketed & I was depressed. We were told to wait 3 months before trying again, so I took this time to lose weight. I lost 15 more pounds, got pregnant in November & only gained 16 pounds with Maddie - don't hate.

When Maddie was 3 months old, I was fed up. I was tired of being a mess. I didn't want to be anxious all the time, worrying about my health, & I did not ever want my children to struggle the way I did. So, I started eating right & exercising.

December 2010

Within 6 months from the day Maddie was born, I had lost 45 pounds. I was feeling good. I stayed there for a while, happy, but wanted to lose more. I continued to lose over the next year, but it was only 7 or 8 pounds. I was still trying to lose my last 6 pounds when I got pregnant in June. Not very hard, but nonetheless. A week after the surgery, I was down 6 pounds that my body had apparently been holding onto.

Today, I hit my original goal. I have lost 58 pounds. 58!! And in honor of that, I am showing you my fabulous new dress my mama bought me.

While I am so elated & proud of myself for finally reaching this, my goal of being healthy was the one that was most important. I never had a good relationship with food. I didn't know there was such a thing. It sounds silly to even type it, but I now know that it's true. I never want my children to feel the same way I did about food or about myself. I hated myself. I thought I was worthless because I couldn't get this under control. I want my kids to know that eating good food is fine & healthy. I don't want them to think they aren't allowed to have things, & then hide them from me. That's what I did - I wasn't supposed to have it, so I hid it in my car & ate it when no one was watching. I want them to feel like having treats are perfectly acceptable. It's something that I finally learned. It's not an everyday occurrence, but we will be eating good food around here. I didn't pin all those fall pumpkin recipes for nothin'. We'll be eating them. But we will do it in moderation. Now that I have my weight under control, & I know how to eat & maintain a healthy lifestyle, my kids will know this. This is what their future will hold. Not a mom struggling to get by & unable to help her children learn. I can show them because I am doing it.

~Insert cheesy, triumphant outro song~

It's a good day, people.

a.