Best Damn Bachette Recap | Week 4

You have no idea what I have with JJ.

I need you to know that I'm so mad at your right now, but damn, that tie is hot on you.

The Douche throws Brokeback under the bus and Brokeback is devastated. After all their late night dates, their apparent showers together, and the snuggling, the bromance is over. The breakup is more than The Douche can bear, and he sobs like my 4-year-old daughter after ending his relationship with Brokeback. Then he slaps the shit out of himself, and I spit my coffee out in fits of hysteria. And I thought bitches be cray.

Rose Ceremony

Just kidding.

We head to New York to fall in love. Barf. 

New York is definitely a place I can see reminding Kaitlyn that my mom died so she'll give me more roses falling in love in.

Group Date

Jonathan, Lips, Benzie, Corey, Ryan, Tanner, The Douche & Gosling 2.0: "Let's keep our love fresh"

Doug E. Fresh is in da house. And now we're rapping? If she don't know who Doug E is, she's too young for you, bro.

Florida-Georgia Line had a rappist in one of their songs that one time.

Watching Kaitlyn rap makes me hang my head in shame. She knows she's white, right?

This is also the first time we get a glimpse of the Night Stalker. He's baaaaack...

The idea that you could get engaged and I wouldn't have the opportunity to lock you up in my basement like I wanted to do with Andi really bugged me.

Does this guy have like, a job? You know, one of those things where you get up daily, shower, and like clack on a keyboard or whatever? Former Bitchelorette runner-up does not a career make.

Poor Kaitlyn has so much to think aboat. The Night Stalker vs. Ryan Gosling.  

This is the hardest situation I've ever been in. That's what she said.

Kaitlyn goes and makes out with The Night Stalker, and then gives the rose to Lips. The most hollow profession of "love" ever.

Apparently, CrazyAshleyS is a hairdresser? And is also a therapist: 

"You're in lust."
"Is that bad?"
"You need to be more than just horny."
"Interesting. I've never heard this before."

For the love. Shit or get off the pot!!!!!!!!!!!


V for Vendetta gets the short end of the stick. Girlfriend can only think about her new man. Conversation revolves around The Night Stalker

Kaitlyn is looking at Vendetta & thinking of The Night Stalker, but gives him the rose anyway. #sorryiaddedanewguytothemixrose.

I've mostly been a Kaitlyn fan, but this addition makes her look like a straight douche b.

Group Date

Captain Hook, Cupcake, Joe, JoshUA, Ben H. The most humiliating Broadway show of all time.

"I've sang this in the shower, in the car...I can't wait to sing this to Kaitlyn." Methinks Cupcake might be batting for the other team...

The director's name. I can't even.

As my dear friend, Aubrey, put it, "I could have gotten drunk if I took a shot for every time she said boyfriend in the 30 second clip."

Until next week!

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