The Best Damn Bach Recap | Week 610:48 AM
Ben: You're the mean girl.
Olivia: I'm sorry that I don't like painting my nails & curling my hair. I want to talk smart things.
Ben: I'm going to keep you because I'm pretty sure you are going to Texas chainsaw massacre me in my sleep if I don't.
Olivia: OMG. You love me so much!
All you need to know is that some girl named Jennifer? goes home. #byefelicia
No season of the Bachelor is complete without a trip to some island because it is impossible to fall in love with someone just hanging out in America.
While Ben and Caila talk about nothing of importance on a boat, Leah has taken center stage as this week's drama queen. You're just NOW realizing he's just not that into you? Duh.
In one of the most ridiculous conversations ever witnessed on Bachelor history, Caila tells Ben that she's not ready to be open, she's pretty she's in love with him, but she's pretty sure she's going to break his heart.
Caila: I'm a confusing person. I think my heart is in love, but not my brain.
Ben: Good enough for me. Rose?
Becca, Amanda, Jojo, Lauren H., & Leah put on their skimpiest bikinis and head to a boat. The date card said something about the unpredictability of life or some shit, so...
I know I think of pigs swimming in the ocean when I think of the Bahamas.
What was meant to be a fun date suddenly turned into a horror film where the girls all get eaten by pigs.
j/k We can dream.
Ben feels uncomfortable because the bimbos aren't into the pigs and they are ignoring him. The girls, not the pigs.
Then Leah launches into tears and the guilt trip.
Leah: Why don't you love me?! You should have given me the 1-on-1.
Ben: Can you just pretend to have fun, please? kthxbye
Leah: He's an idiot. He has no idea how amazing I am.
Well, that'll win him over. Call him stupid. Guys love that. Oh, and then throw your competition under the bus. Class act. And lie about it. Great.
After one of the most excruciating dates in Bachelor history, Amanda gets the rose. And we all breathe a sigh of relief that this suck fest is over.
In a massive dick move to secure a rose, however, Leah continues her bitch fest and tells Ben what a horrible person Lauren B is.
Ben: You're a bitch. Goodbye.
Olivia vs. Emily
Let's be real: we all know Olivia is going home before the date even starts.
Olivia: I'm so wonderful. I'm so smart. I'm in love with
Ben: ...thank you.
I have never had more respect for Ben than in watching him pick up the rose, take Olivia aside, and tell her to go the f*ck home. I did the Carlton. I swear.
Ben's had enough of the bullshit, as we all have, and cancels the cocktail party.
Ben: Lauren H, I can only have one Lauren because I can't tell you two apart, so bye.
Lauren H: I doughn't rally gat whaat hee waants...
Someone with a less annoying accent.