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Monday, May 2, 2016

Young Living 5-Day Nutritive Cleanse {Day 1}

I am not a cleanser. Not even a little bit. I roll my eyes when I see people holding up their shaker bottles of their favorite protein shake, or when they juice cleanse. Eat some damn food, you damn fool. And yet, I find myself doing a cleanse & drinking a protein shake.

Let's take a step back. I am chubby. I'm not chubby like I was way back when, but I'm about 20 pounds up from where I'm comfortable. I did the 21-Day Fix and lost 10 pounds, but then ate everything that wasn't plastic or cardboard for a while - the 21-Day-Shove-Everything-Down-Your-Gullet. I'm also going to Vegas in 3 weeks with a bunch of models who can't gain weight to save their lives. Assholes.

I have this amazing team of women who challenge me and push me all the time, so one of them thought it would super fun and super awesome to do the cleanse as a team - all 742 of us. We broke the Virtual Office - they ran out of the cleanse, so some of them will be doing it in June.


To help them navigate the ups and downs of the cleanse, I promised a day-by-day rundown. Here's how yesterday went:

Morning: Oh, shit. No coffee.

1 Digest & Cleanse pill

4 ounces of Ningxia down the hatch because yum.

8 ounces of water to 2 scoops of Balance Complete seemed way off, so I doubled the water and instantly regretted the decision. It was nasty AF.

Snack: Wasn't hungry. First time ever in my life.

Lunch: Took a nap.

1 Digest & Cleanse pill

2 ounces of Ningxia. I could live on that stuff.

8 ounces of Vanilla Soy Milk + 2 scoops of BC. Put that in the freezer and OMG. So yum. I mean, not as a good as a cheeseburger, but I didn't want to die.

Snack: apple slices

Dinner: Headache and lethargy are my friends for the evening.

1 Digest & Cleanse pill

2 ounces of Ningxia. I could live on that stuff.

8 ounces of Vanilla Soy Milk + 2 scoops of BC, and back in the freezer.

Water: 3 liters

In my infinite wisdom, I gorged on Sunday. I drank sugary drinks, had tons of bread and then had a chocolate brownie. Had I eaten sensibly, I probably wouldn't have detoxed so hard and felt like a regurgitated turd all day.

This morning, I am down 2 pounds and I feel great! Day 2, here we go.

1 comment :

  1. I am dying!!! "A bunch of models that can't gain weight!" Ha! I plan on ordering the cleanse, but it went out of stock before I could get my hands on it! Grabbing it as soon as it's available again, although I can't promise that I won't kill someone during it!

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