The Best Damn Bachelor in Paradise Recap | Week 3 Part 1

10:42 PM


If I have to watch Josh and Amanda lick each other's tongues one.more.time.

Evan gives a "check yes or no" card to Amanda while she is licking Josh's throat, and he pulls her away to see if anyone will give him a rose.

Evan: I totally came here for you.
Amanda: Thank you. Josh and I were having sex, so...
Evan:
 

While Josh awaits his ho, he makes love to some cheese pizza.


Weenie little Evan decides to start shit and tells Amanda that Josh is going to beat her.

Amanda: I'm just kinda bummed out about this.


Rose Ceremony

What the hell world is this where I am HOPING that Nick stays?! Why am I rooting for this douche?

Lace chooses Grant
Izzy chooses Vinny
Emily chooses Jared
Amanda chooses Josh. Their relationship is so deep.
Sarah chooses Daniel. Is anyone buying his bullshit?
Carly...chooses...Evan. And he realizes that are totally in love and he's ready to introduce his spawn to her.
Hailey chooses Nick and ditches the asshole we've never heard of.

In walks one of the most annoying people on the planet, Caila. Evan pounces because no one loves him and he's desperate. But no one wants him, so she makes her way through the group.

Emily: Caila is perfect and that makes her condescending. Did I use that word right?

In the least shocking move ever, Caila asks Jared on a date, and I actually think they might be perfect for each other. It's like Tigger meeting Tiggette.

Then, in the most mean girl move ever, Jared & Caila come back from their date, and tell Emily how amazing and perfect it was. 

Emily: She's a little too perfect, but I guess that's what Jared wants.

Yeah, weird that he would choose a beautiful girl who isn't a complete airhead with plastic boobs. Crazy.

I felt bad for Emily for .4 seconds, and then realized that she's a hot blonde with big boobs, so, I got the f over that.

This 4-way date with Grant, Lace, Izzy & Vinny is weird. 

Lace: We're the best couples ever. 
Izzy: We're exclusive. He's not going to date anyone else.

I'm guessing this is an omen.

This bar seems like a perfect place to have meaningful relationship. I knew my husband was right for me when we got lost in a foam mosh pit in a bar. #truelove

Evan fakes a medical emergency because he's feeling sorry for himself. Ugh. The flamboyant ones are the worst.

Why is everyone obsessed with Amanda? Her Goldie Hawn lips and that nasally voice are just too much for me. Is it just that thing that guys don't care about the brain? I guess intelligent conversations are overrated. 

In walks the train wreck that is Ashley I.

Bachelor must give their contestants free lip injections. Yeah, that has to be it.

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