On turning thirty.

**Written Monday evening, but I was too tired to find all the pictures I wanted, so I just now found them all.


On the eve of my thirtieth birthday, I thought it appropriate to do a more reflective post, even if it is laced with sarcasm. My mother-in-law asked me the other day how I was feeling about turning 30. My response was, "meh. I don't feel any different." I told my Mom later that day that I felt like a mature 20-year-old and an immature 30-year-old. My mom seemed more mature when she was 30 (from what I could gather from pictures and stories, I suppose), but perhaps my aunts will scoff at that statement.

More events, life changes, and breathtaking moments happened in my twenties than in the twenty years before. (Maybe that means my thirties will settle a wee bit.) I went to college (dropped out), went to beauty school (dropped out), moved to another state to live with roommates (moved out), got my own apartment, watched my brother-in-law have massive brain surgery, got engaged, got married, bought a house, got a dog, had a kid, watched my mother-in-law gasping for oxygen as she was in heart failure just before major heart surgery, watched my father-in-law get terribly sick, said goodbye to three grandparents, and now, I sit here with two wiggling boys in my belly. When I look at that list (and these are only the bullet points), it's just no-freaking-wonder that there were tears, and anxiety attacks, and moments of confusion. Sooo much good happened. So much hard stuff happened. But hey, I survived. There were moments that I thought I wouldn't make it out, but I did. I guess that means I'm stronger than I thought I was.

The interesting part of this post is that I came here to write the things I learned in my twenties, but at this moment in my life, I can honestly say that I have become disappointed in myself. I expect more of myself; I have high expectations. I want to be better, smarter, wiser, more confident. I am my own worst critic, hardly ever giving credit to myself where credit is definitely due. Yes, I am on bed rest and relying very much on my husband, in-laws, and friends to help out, but DUDE! I'M GROWING TWO FREAKING HUMAN BEINGS AT ONE TIME!

I have a list of things I'd like to learn and MASTER in my thirties, but those can be written in another post. Today is about sharing what I have learned in the last 10 years.

20 Things I Learned in my Twenties
1. I learned to say I love you every single day, as much as possible.
2. I'd rather drink Chai tea than eat anything.

20 years old

3. It is possible to think your spouse is hilarious even when he's being a butthead.
4. Having a child is the most amazing thing I could ever do.

21 years old

5. Having close girlfriends who know how insane you are is a must-have.
6. I like beer.

22 years old

7. I learned that you still need your Mom even when you're just shy of 30.
8. Burberry is my signature scent.

23 years old

9. Singing at the top of my lungs in the car with my best friend makes me giddy.
10. Anxiety disorder is just part of my makeup. I am not broken because of it - it is part of my story and that's ok. (Also, still working on this one).

24 years old

11. I am worse at math than should be humanly possible.
12. I don't like watching dramas because they make me sad.

25 years old

13. It's ok to re-read Harry Potter and The Hunger Games as much as I want.
14. I'd rather stay home with my little family than do much else.

26 years old

15. I learned to embrace the country in me, and am a full-blown country music fan, complete with some seriously amazing new boots from my Mom.
16. I learned how to drive a stick (And no, MOM, Josh did not laugh until he couldn't breathe!)

27 years old

17. God maybe isn't as scary as I once believed.
18. My body is incredible: 90lb weight loss, 5 miscarriages, 1 birth, twin pregnancy.

28 years old

19. I am pretty good at taking photos of people.
20. Family is everything, even if part of that family is far away, or if family isn't necessarily related.

29 years old

I'm thankful for the close friends and family in my life. You have made the last 10 years funny, hard, silly, stupid, and worth it. Happy 30th to me!

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