A Letter to my First

The funny thing about this letter is that as I have mulled it over in my head the last weeks is that it feels like a goodbye letter. I suppose, in a way, it is, but I want it to be more like a segue into a new chapter in our life. This letter will go into the last book that I make for Maddie this year, the last of the singleton books as we move into family yearbooks.

I want her to have this letter as a way to remember through my words and my pictures. She may start to remember some things at this point, but she won't remember much before it. Now, it'll always be in writing.

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For this child I prayed... {1 Samuel 1:27}

My sweet Maddie,

You are about to a big sister to two wiggly, little boys. I know you have no idea how life is about to change, and we don't really either, but we know it will be a big change.

For the last 3 1/2 years, it's just been us. You've been my little shadow. I toted you around everywhere, and you were so good at just going along wherever we happened to be going. We spent the first year of your life snuggling and nursing. You were the cuddliest, most affectionate little thing I'd ever seen. And could you be any cuter?! Nothing much was accomplished from 0 to 1, but that was just fine with me. I spent that whole year nursing, snuggling, and napping with you.

It has been so amazing to watch you grow from a squishy, chubby little baby into a smart, fearless, hilarious little kid. You understood funny at a very early age, and loved to be the center of attention. Hearing your baby sounds in the morning were some of my favorites. I loved walking into your room in the morning, you standing up in your crib with a huge smile on your face, ready for me to lift you out and spend the day together. Now...it'll be you & I going in to see your baby brothers every morning and all of us spending the day together.

Once you hit 1 year, you were Miss Independent. You were walking and babbling endlessly. You had so much to say. You were into everything. And happy. Oh, so happy. We call you Little Miss Sunshine. You burst into a room, and it is instantly brighter. You are pure joy. Listening to your squeals, your giggles, your chubby feet running down the hallway is what I always wanted to hear in my home. You were the one who brought all those things into our home: belly laughs, toys everywhere, baby smells, and everything else in between.

It's just been the 3 of us for so long that adding new people will be weird. It'll seem like they've always been there at some point. I know it'll be tough for you at times, but we're all going to learn and change together. I know you're going to be an amazing big sister to these little boys. You'll teach them to be silly, and goofy, and maybe even a little OCD. You know how to have fun with the best of them, and I know that they will get so much of that from you, little one. You were made to be a big sister to little boys. You are rough & tumble, and are unphased by most things. You roll with it. 

The next chapter of our lives is going to be different, but the only thing that will change is that we will have 2 new littles to love. You are the little that made me a Mama. You are the little who changed how I view the world. You and I will always have a special bond because you are my first. Even at 30 years old, I still call Nani everyday for comfort, advice or just to touch base. I will always be that for you. Forever. You can yell for me across the hall or come lay down in our room, and I will always make time for you. I'll even rub your back until you fall asleep if that's all you need. 

I'm so glad you were our first. Don't be scared about the future with these boys because pretty soon you won't even remember life without them.

I love you, little one.
Mama