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This post is sponsored by Little Uptown Kids. You'll obvi want these tees once you see them, so you can just go and shop here now.
Our second camping trip of the season began as all the others have: with screaming, crying, yelling, threatening, fries strewn about the car, a raised hand, tears, and earbuds. Yes, Josh wore earbuds while I endured. Sometimes you have to check out while your spouse takes one for the team.
You guys. I'm not kidding you when I say it rains every damn time we arrive to camp. It drizzles as we pull in, we open the back of the car, and it's a race to see how fast we can erect these pop-up tents and take cover. I say "we," but let's be honest. I'm sitting in the car while I watch these mofos run around like crazy people.
But then, the rain moves on, and we are left to secure our tents and begin exploring our home for the next two days.
As good as it's gonna get with these three.
Yeah, you know you need this shirt too. This kid gathers tinder like a BOSS.
Yes, they are indeed eating mini peppers around the campfire.
Let's get to the Jett stories. You've been waiting. Believe me, he delivered. As we headed into mountain country, the hills had us captivated. Green space like you wouldn't believe. I kept telling Josh that I was envisioning Heidi yodeling in the hills. It was beautiful. Jett had other plans that included hitting, throwing, hair-pulling, screaming, and crying. As I ooh'd and ahh'd over this amazing plantation out my window, Josh jerked the car into its driveway and threw it in park. There was more crying and more yelling, but as soon as we were back on the road, Jett had closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. It worked.
The pictures you see above is the first timeout at camp. He was probably being a jerk. Shocking, I know.
If you noticed in the video, Maddie's very precious American Girl Doll was stuck in the boys' tractor and did not make it into the tent on time. Maddie was devastated. What may seem creepy AF to you just makes my heart swell with pride as my man roasts this doll's ass so that his daughter can snuggle her baby again later.
We moved on to rice cakes.
And this one. You need this one too.
Y'all think we're batshit to camp with these little mofos, but look at that. Peace and serenity mixed with a little screaming never killed anybody.
I know. We're looking into him becoming a Gap model.
If screaming, crying, threatening, bargaining, timeouts, bribery, and general bitchiness haven't put you off, this will be your cake topper.
The night was hairy. Real damn hairy. My favorite moment during camping is when all three buttholes kids are in bed, snoring softly, and we are parked in front of the campfire. There is nothing like the smell and crackle of a campfire, surrounded by a trillion stars. The deafening silence is all a mother could ask for.
But then we made the mistake of going to bed. We laid down on our lovely, firm air mattress and spooned. The gentle wind rustling was the perfect white noise to drift off into dreamland. Just as I was beginning the twitching, I noticed that my ass was hitting something hard and cold. We were sinking. Our air mattress had a slow leak, and our asses were now on the ground. It was only 11:30pm. I was screwed. By 12:30am, I had given up on sleeping. I decided to write, then I realized my phone was dead, so I couldn't write. I decided to read, but couldn't muster the fortitude to get out of the tent and get my book.
Maddie woke up and moved to our now-deflated mattress. I slid inside her sleeping bag to siphon heat snuggle and we slept fitfully until 6:30am when the hellions woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
You know how Jason Aldean doesn't do lonely well? We don't do mornings well.
And then this shit show. The wind was angry that day, my friends (if you don't know that Seinfeld reference, just leave now). It began trying to blow our tent away around 4am and didn't let up. As a result, no fire could be maintained. Even the stove that our blessed friends lent us was struggling to stay lit. Coffee is everything when you have three kids and you just slept on the cold ground for three whole hours. The thing about us is that we are resourceful and determined when coffee is on the line.
We maintained this stance for an hour before deciding that we were over it. The clouds were dark, the coffee was just tepid water with a few grounds in it and the kids needed breakfast as noted below.
Yeah, it goes everywhere with us. I mean, we're peeing in the woods and the kids are, literally, rolling around in the dirt. Thieves cleans all things.
One would figure that after this ridiculous experience that we would admit defeat and congratulate ourselves on doing as much as we have done. And yet, I found myself laying in the tent on a flaccid air mattress, thinking, "In spite of all of this, I would do it all again next week."
But we drive past scenes like this, and the weeping and gnashing of teeth were totally worth it.
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