The Best Damn Bachelorette Recap | Week 6

JoJo: This week is going to be HUGE.

False. I want my money back.

Date with Alex

Good news, guys. The whiny bitch baby gets a one-on-one with JoJo. I know that I love when guys are super needy and clingy.

JoJo: I feel like I'm spending time with my brother. I just don't want to do him.
Welcome to the friend zone, sho'ty.

JoJo: You are killing the gaucho thing. Translation: get the f*** outta here.

Like, I can't take any of this shit seriously. They look like they belong in a Disney movie.

She's way more into this horse than Alex. At least the horse is tall.

JoJo: I'm so glad I had this one-on-one with Alex because I needed to feel that connection with him and there just so isn't any connection. 

Why are we watching a man make sweet, gentle love to a horse? Is beastiality legal now? Though ABC, if you're reading this, Bach next season should maybe be a man choosing an animal soulmate. That would be more intriguing than this boring-ass shit.

Alex: I think I'm falling in love with you. No, I'm falling in love with you. I fell in love with you when I saw you.

JoJo: How do I break this to you gently? There is nothing about you that makes me want you to slam me up against a dryer. I'd rather do laundry.

I love he's so confused. Like, there's no rose so he thought he was safe. 

Date with Jordan

Could Jordan have put less energy into his outfit? Are you going swimming?

So,we're drinking grape feet juice? This has the potential to be sexy AF, and then, just no.

Jordan is so good at this.

Jordan: I want you to meet my Mama.

JoJo: 

The date card arrives and the boys are near tears as the names are read.

Chase: What does she want to do with Luke on a one-on-one that she doesn't to do with me? 

Sex stuff.

This date is all about poor, beautiful, handsome, charming Jordan and how he's not good enough because his brother is Aaron Rodgers. And woe is him, they never talk to each other.

Can you say red flag? 

JoJo: I feel so loved right now.

Ok, never mind. Carry on, dipshit.

Group Date

I shouldn't be turned on by James Taylor shoving an entire plateful of fries into his mouth, but if I'm honest, I'm not. That was foul.

James Taylor: These guys have nothing on me. I'm 'bout to get a rose.

Then we play guess which Bachelor I am.

I defy you to find another date when someone gave less shits than JoJo gives on this date. That is, until Robby runs down the hall in his underwear and moons them. I'm sorry, are we in college?

Now we're piled on the bed watching Brazilian Bachelor? Omg. Pull the plug.

Robby: We broke up like last week, but I'm so committed. Totally ready. Totally over it. I met her mom like once. I'm way past it all.

JoJo: Ok, you seem super sincere.

Chase. Meh.

JT: Are you into me?

JoJo: No, not at all, but I always date douche bags and I should probably date you because you are nice and kind, and you probably won't hit me.

She, literally, just sits there as JT kisses on her face. I vommed.

JoJo: I'm only giving this rose out because I have to. 

Date with Luke

If we're honest with ourselves, JoJo just wants to bang Luke. He has this sensitive bad boy thing going on that isn't not hot.

Rose Ceremony

JoJo: Without further ado, IDGAF about who gets these roses.

And the entire world is shocked when there is no twist and the boring AF guys go home.