The BEST After The Final Rose Recap EVER

The scarf is back.

"I felt that she gave me purpose."  I could finally use the new handcuffs in the basement.

Nick waltzes into the Men Tell All studio. Chris Harrison should be a therapist.

"You don't just not stop loving someone." My brain hurts.

Andi refuses to see him, so Nick gives Chris a letter to give to Andi. I'm sure that, even though she doesn't want to see you, she'll want to read your desperate letter.

Chris: "Thanks for having the courage to walk out here." Because all of America is revoking your man card tonight.

"Prior to the Men Tell All, you tried to contact her before that. Andi was on vacation in Mexico & you wanted to go see her." Stalking is illegal in Mexico too.

"Do you think she made a mistake?"

"I don't think that's fair for me to answer that question." Then what are we doing here, Nick? Why are you stalking her all over the globe if not to get her to change her mind?!

Grumpy Cat comes out & gives Nick the most awkward, sourpuss-faced hug. Chris Harrison opens the floor to Nick.

"Ummm, I mean, I don't know, like, I..." I cannot roll my eyes hard enough.

"I thought I'd have more to say." Stalkers 101: come prepared. You have followed her to international waters, written her a letter professing your love for her, forced your way onto the Bach set, you finally get your moment in the spotlight & you have nothing to say. Quality television right here, folks.

"...as heartbroking as it is..." I'm getting dumber by the second at this point.

"I think, you know, the hardest part of hearing you say that is, you know, like, thinking back to those moments. And I guess, you know, like, knowing how in love with you I was, if you weren't in love with me, I'm just not sure why, like, why you made love with me." Insert: GASP. I hope she told Josh. If not, that was a super awkward conversation.

"Well, first of all, I think that's kind of below the belt." That's what she said.

Chris: "I'm glad we could have this moment...it needed to happen." For ratings.

Bachelor in Paradise advertisement. Should I recap this crap?

Out comes Mr. Baseball.

"You live 5 minutes away from each other. That's fate." No, that was a requirement for Miss-I-Won't-Leave-Atlanta.

They are planning on planning to start planning a wedding for Spring 2015. Who wants to place bets now?

What did you think of this season? Who was your favorite? Did you like Andi? Did she make the right choice?

A.