The Best Bachelor Recap You'll Read | Week 21:45 PM
If you ever doubted for a second that the Bachelor is just another scripted reality show, watch the rose ceremony from this week. I mean, come on. Mental Molly has lost her mind, & he gives her a rose.
Ok, I'm back.
You have no idea how many times I yell at the tv, "HAVE SOME FREAKING SELF RESPECT!" to these "ladies." I mean, he didn't pick you, but definitely cry & beg him to let you come back in & see how that works out for you, Kimberly. Guys love desperation.
This week, we join #princefarming back at the Bachelor house with the "ladies" all vying for his attention. Weird. Group date #1: Jade, Tandra, Ashley I, Mackenzie, Kimberly, Tara. "Show me your country." Translation: bust out your slutty cutoffs & pair them with cowboy boots. First "date" begins with a pool party where Chris watches 6 "ladies" run around in bikinis for an hour, and then they ride tractors through downtown LA in bikinis...I mean, this sounds like the plot for an adult film. In spite of Ashley I's quip about being "more Kardashian than country," she wins the rose.
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Jillian & Megan break into Chris' house & snoop. Megan proceeds to try on his motorcycle helmet & slam her head up against every surface in his house. She clearly had brain damage before she started.
Chris takes Mackenize out to chat where she drops the kid bomb on him. "Ummmm, well, okkkkk, ummm, I have a child." His name is Kale. Like the lettuce. "Ummmm, soooo, do you believe in alienssss?" Kid bomb = sympathy rose."I feel like this could be the beginning of my fairy tale." False.
Megan gets a love note from #princefarming and has to be told that it's a date card. Duh. "The butteries in my stomach are colorful & smiling." Ummm... Aaaaand sympathy rose. Makeout session.