First Date

9:49 AM

Butterflies. Sweaty palms. Outfit change. I went on a first date yesterday. I was legit scared. It's hard to meet people. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I have lipstick on my teeth? What if I snort at a joke? Oh shit! What if I swear?

I feed the boys their breakfast. Of course. Today would be the day that I get a giant glob of baby food in my bangs. Perfect.

Great. My bangs are super greasy. Ok, time for a braid. Does that make look like Heidi?

Ok, these jeans are a little tight, but I'll wear this long sweater & cover my fupa.

"Ok, I'm heading out. Do I look ok?" "Yeah, I like your hair like that. You kinda have the flower power thing going on. You're making a statement with that outfit that I don't think you're trying to make. Are you gonna go fight for women's rights or something?" 

"Great. I'll be changing now. And now I'm late."

I'm going to run out of things to say. What if she doesn't like me? I mean, I'm obviously super lovable, but maybe she won't think that. Ugh. I'm late. She probably thinks I'm not coming. I really want a Venti chai today, but she'll think I'm such a cow. Oooh, and a coffee cake. Now, she really thinks you're a cow. Ok, skinny latte, no coffee cake. Ha! Who are you kidding? You're going to get coffee cake & a cake pop. God, I need to stop eating altogether. Then I wouldn't have the fupa. Why didn't my doctor just do a minor tummy tuck? Ugh. My jeans are so tight. Is this fur vest too much? And plaid again? You should have been a lumberjack.

Walk in. Waaay overdressed. She looks normal. You look like you're going for a meeting at Vogue. Stupid. Why did you dress up? And the braid? Really? Just wear a beanie like normal people do when their hair is greasy.

Exchange pleasantries. Ok, this isn't so bad. We're actually talking about normal things. Oh, she has weird family members too. Cool. Common ground. Oh shit! You just said shit. Stop swearing, you heathen! Oh, she said asshole. Ok,  you're good. Whew.

I made a friend yesterday. It's so funny to be an adult woman and trying to make new friends. It used to be effortless. I wasn't aware of my insecurities as a 6-year-old. I didn't worry about my fupa or my potty mouth or my personality. What if she had hated my personality? Then you're just screwed. I was cracking myself up as I drove home from my coffee date yesterday. I was so nervous as I was getting ready. I looked at Josh and said, "What if she doesn't like me?" It's not like it's out of the questions. Lots of people don't like me. The internal dialogue was no joke. Those were all of the thoughts running through my head as I got ready. It was fun. And I have a new friend.

Lesson learned: when in doubt, bring up crazy family members & try to out-crazy the other person.



Go make a new friend today. :)

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