Best Damn Bachette Recap | Episode 3

BooHooBritt calls mommy to tell her how shocked she is that she wasn't voted Prom Queen. Then, her unemployed, knight-in-shining-armor knocks on her door and they skip off into the sunset.

Group Date #1

Daniel, Justin, Jared, Cory, Tanner, Kupah, Ben H., Ben Z. "I see this ending with a ring."

"Boxing is a lot like relationships." Yes, if you are in an abusive relationship.

Ok, so, they beat on each other, Kaitlyn gasps like a southern belle in a girdle, as they beat the hell out of each other, and then V for Vendetta gets his brain rattled.

You knew he looked familiar, but you couldn't put your finger on it. You're welcome.

Ben Z: "I love to cook: barbecuing & tailgating." Oh, do you cook the beer when you're standing behind a pickup truck, while nursing a beer in a coozie at a football game?

Sympathy rose: "My mom died. Please give me a rose."

Mid-conversation with Daniel, someone passes Kaitlyn a note. She goes down to see V for Vendetta. He's loopy, but not too loopy to miss an opportunity to get a sympathy rose for being punched in the face, and to make out with Kaitlyn.

Ben Z gets the rose. Shocker.

One-on-One with Clint

In what was one of the most painfully awkward dates, Kaitlyn & Clint, dress up & jump into a pool for awkward, underwater photos. The yoga breathing & touching, the awkward kissing, the awkward touching, the awkward conversation post-swim. Ugh. Awful. There was as much chemistry between the two of them as the chemistry between me & a lamp post. When is it over?!

Cut to Buddha. Love isn't about fighting. Love is about being high.

Back to awkward family photos.

Group Date #2

JJ, Jonathan, Joshua, Chris, Ian, Joe, Tony. "I'm looking for a man who will stand up for me."

Amy Schumer is here to help the guys be funny. It doesn't work.

JJ is worried that his comedy is too smart for these idiots."I hope it helps you to know that you're an asshole not smarter than anyone here." Thank you, Amy. That head of his was starting to expand a little too rapidly.

Ian thinks he looks like the Old Spice guy. Perhaps, but that's not what I see.

You can't unsee it.

Seriously, no one was funny. My first language is sarcasm. I'd be booting all these yahoos out da mansion. 

Buddha: "I'm not here for her. I'm here for us. Her love means as much to me as my love means to me. I want to give & receive & have & share my love so that we can soar over the eagle's nest, transcending time & space & normalcy. I'm here to find love. I feel like I've been training for this my whole life. Some people could judge me as zen. " I wouldn't say zen. I would say high. 

Cocktail Party

JJ gets the douche card rose. He had his rose, and takes Kaitlyn out to chat. The guys all gasp behind their 'kerchiefs that he could be such a jerk. Yeah, we're all shocked. No. 

What is it with people from Colorado who go on this show? Way to represent. 0 for 4.

JJ: "I'm feeling confidence wrapped inside of doucheness wrapped inside of narcissism."

Captain Hook takes Kaitlyn outside to secure his sympathy rose.

Side note: Kaitlyn's mouth is flying through the lineup. Do they not realize that they are all, essentially, making out with each other? 

Kupah decides he is going to behave like a child. "I don't feel like you've noticed me. I don't feel that there's really a connection." 

Kaitlyn: "You were really into Laila & the boxing." 

Kupah: "Oh, I wasn't into it at all."

This is the end of any civilized conversation. "I thought you were a real person. I didn't feel there was any connection until right now when I made you feel horribly uncomfortable and I acted like a huge baby."

Aaaaand then Kupah loses his shit. He loudly tells all the guys that he feels like this isn't fair, blah blah blah, so Kaitlyn grabs him & tells him to get out. 

"But I don't want to go home. You're hot."

Oh, well, then, Ok. You can stay since you think I'm hot.

TO BE CONTINUED flashes across our screens as Kupah yells & gets in the cameraman's face about how upset he is that she sent him home. Such class on this show.

Oh! And we can't forget about BooHooBritt. She needs more face time, so we get a glimpse into their deep, meaningful relationship, eating ice cream & kissing up against buildings. Five bucks it doesn't last longer than this season.

Did you enter to win your Bachelorette tee yet?? If you haven't, click HERE to go enter. What did you think of this week? Who's your favorite? Who do you love to hate? Leave a comment below!

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