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Friday, May 15, 2015

The Men

You can lie all you want to, but part of the fun of a new season is sizing up the desperate eligible Bach dudes. I'd be lying if I said that looks don't matter, but for the love. I have eyes. With that statement, I would like to say...these dudes better have rockin' personalities and ripped abs. 

In the age of man buns & Jesus beards, where are my lumbersexuals? These Ralph Lauren models are not cutting the mustard for me. 

Without further ado, let's begin picking apart these desperadoes and see what we workin' wiff.


Ben H
-Denver boy. Don't screw this up for us, sir. Jordan did not make a good impression for our state.
-Software salesman. So, he better be funny or something.

Ben Z:

-What does being married mean to you? "Being married is finding the person that completes you." Relax, Jerry Maguire.

Bradley

-Biggest date fear: "Someone who can't handle or understand my sarcasm." Aaaaand we have a frontrunner.

Brady:

-Occupation: Singer-Songwriter aka UNEMPLOYED.

Chris:

-Occupation: Dentist. You don't say.

Clint

-If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be? "Chuck Norris, for obvious reasons." You are well on your way to looking like him, Fabio.

Corey:

-Occupation: Investment Banker. So, her diamond would be humongous.

Cory:

-Biggest date fear: "Finding out my date's really a dude." We get it. You're straight.

Daniel

-I can't even. He just looks like Boy George.

David

-If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be? "Brad Pitt, so he can tell me some of his crazy stories and teach me a thing or two about charming women." I think it's safe to say that we'd all like to have lunch with Brad.

Ian

-I'm rootin' for Ian. I'm into bald dudes. Kudos, ABC.

Jared

-What is your greatest achievement to date? For the past six years, I've been a volunteer at a week-long summer camp for children with cancer." Are you freaking kidding me? If one of these girls doesn't propose marriage on night one, they are buffoons.

JJ:

-Another hometown hero. Don't screw this up.

Joe:

-Just no. The hair. No.

Jonathan:

-Occupation: Automotive Spokesman. I'm sorry. Does he speak on a car's behalf?

Josh:

-Occupation: Law Student/Exotic Dancer. OMG! New fave. Yesssss! A male exotic dancer. This is going to be freaking epic.

Joshua:

-I can't even read anything about him because all I think of is, in Friends, when Rachel is dating JoshUA. 

Justin

-Dimples. 

Kupah:

-What does being married mean to you? "FOOOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEEEEVEEEEEEEER." Squints Palladino, anyone?

Ryan B:

-What's your most embarrassing moment? "Meant to send a pic to my girlfriend and accidentally tweeted it." I'm guessing it was a below the belt selfie.

Ryan M:

-Occupation: Junkyard Specialist. W.T.F.?!

Shawn B:

-Josh Groban look-a-like. Already not a fan.

Shawn E:

-Occupation: Amateur Sex Coach. Amateur? Sex coach? Who is he coaching? If he's coaching, shouldn't he be a specialist? Or an expert? Or a novice? I mean, I've been doing it for a long time, and I certainly don't consider myself an amateur. Come on, Shawn E., step up.

Tanner

-I hate it when my date... "Can't hold a conversation or gets sloppy drunk." Wrong show, Tanner. Wrong show.

Tony:

-Occupation: Healer. So, he's Jesus. 
-Also, with a little hair tie, you could rock the man bun, dude. 

There you have it. What do you think? Who would you give the first impression rose to? Don't forget to enter the giveaway to win this darling tee! 





Check the original post here to enter! And don't forget to watch along, starting Monday night! 


xoxo,

1 comment :

  1. HA! BAFFOON! One of my favorite words. Love this. SO. MUCH.

    ReplyDelete