The BEST Bach in Paradise Recap EVER | Week 3

Elise: "I want to fall in love with Chris. I want Chris to be my rainbow." Weren't you in love with Dylan last week, & planning your wedding & babies with him!?

Danielle enters & asks Marquel on a date.

What is with Elise & her frickin' rainbows?

Suddenly, Chris gets hurt. Walking. #convenient

Danielle: "I came here to find a relationship." In my bikini.
"We have in sync chemistry." I'm going to venture to say that you didn't take chemistry in high school.
Lightning almost kills Marquel. This is what we call a sign.

Something about Elise reminds me of Cher from Clueless. Anyone?

Elise: "You will be blessed for being so sweet to me." Ummm...
"I came to find my soulmate." I don't think you're going to find that in Chris' mouth.
Chris B: "I want to enjoy her behind closed doors."

Sarah's attitude is really starting to grate on my nerves. "I feel like some prettier, more well-put-together girl swooped in & had the confidence to do what I didn't." Ok, like, for real? Stop feeling sorry for yourself, change your crank, & try to get a date. Why would anyone want to date a crank? Somebody call the waaaambulance.

Michelle: "I was in love with Marquel this morning, but now I love you, Robert." That seems legit.

Jackie struts down the beach with a date card. Marquel is chosen. Again.

Graham: "From day one, AshLee kind of set the precedent that 'I'm with Graham.' She, immediately, made it known that we were gonna explore our relationship and that's kind of all she wanted to explore." Really, dude? Grow a pair. Just tell her this isn't your vibe & go date one of the other rock-hard bodies in the house.

AshLee: "I have a pretty good intuition on who Graham is and what he wants." Girl, you are setting yourself up to fail with a statement like that. "I think love is believing in things that you really can't see." Like, Graham actually liking you.

AshLee gets her date card.

Marquel: "I cannot & absolutely do not kiss on the first date." And then he kisses Jackie. #waytosticktoyourmorals

Clare's dad sent her a turtle from beyond the grave as a sign. Ummm, yeaaaahhh.

AshLee, Graham has been given the opportunity to sleep with you in the Bach suite. He has turned that option down. Let that be a sign to you!

Rose Ceremony.
Zack > Clare
Graham > AshLee
Marcus > Lexi
Marquel > Jackie
Robert > Sarah (literally, yelled WHAT?!)
Chris > "Elise...I can't give you this rose. I'm going home & I want you to go with me." I'm going to go out on a limb & say they are no longer together. Reality Steve confirms.
"There's one person here, who I believe deserves true love, and I would like to give this rose to Michelle." The least douchey thing this man has ever done.

"Next week...paradise turns into hell!" I mean, how can you not watch that?!

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