Best Damn Bachette Recap | Week 8

11:00 AM

We open with the reminder of Cupcake losing his man card last week. #neverforget

1-on-1

Ben H. "Let's make today unforgettable because you are forgettable."


Kaitlyn: "I'm difficult. I need someone to stick by me."
Ben H.: "It's ok. You're hot."

They proceed to have one of the most boring dates in Bachelorette history. Kaitlyn can't even pretend she's interested. Dr. Chris Harrison's pep talk clearly hasn't worked. 

Group Date i.e. Goodbye Kentucky

Gosling 2.0, The Serial Killer & Kentucky are picked for the most awk group date.


Kentucky: "You know what? I could totally kiss you & hold you for the next 60 years."
Kaitlyn: "Cool. Do you have a clip? I can't see your face because of this greasy mop. Oh, and I'm not there with you, but thanks for telling me."
Kentucky: "I don't have shit to say to you."
Kaitlyn: "I think he's mad."

The Serial Killer gets sent back to the hotel. Gosling 2.0 gets more time with Kaitlyn because she needs to tell him she boned Nick.

Kaitlyn: "I'm going to take the longest way around to the truth and make your ears bleed before I tell you that I banged Nick and I liked it."
Gosling: "Do you regret it?"
Kaitlyn: "I regret not having sex with you too."


Gosling: "I'm not mad."
Kaitlyn: "Tell your face."

Rose Ceremony

Kaitlyn is shaking nervously in her aluminum foil dress. Gosling is offered the rose and he asks if they can speak privately. Kaitlyn stares at him as though she is going to strangle him.


Gosling: "You told me I was the one."
Kaitlyn: "Well, I shouldn't have said that because that means that I can't bone all of these guys. I have to test drive them all, mmmmkay?"

So, he takes the damn rose after all of his theatrics.

Ben gets the next rose, and we all let out a huge sigh. V for Vendetta is going home. While we are all collectively sad, I think we can all agree that he deserves someone better than this hussy. His exit was classy and kind, most of which we never see on the Bach. I'm guessing the producers had no idea what to do with themselves. They couldn't even spin this negatively.

1-on-1

The Serial Killer pulls out yet another effing sweater with Kaitlyn's pants. 


They chat, but this is all foreplay. They are just waiting to get to the "intimate overnights." Before we can get to Bonetown, The Serial Killer is sure to throw Gosling under the bus for being an "Eskimo brother." Google saw a spike in the eskimo brother search last night because none of us knew what the hell it actually meant.

The Serial Killer: "I'm worried aboat you."
Kaitlyn: "Let's get freaky."

Oh, how the times have changed. What began as a game of "don't ask, don't tell," has now turned into "how many can she do in one episode."


The showdown we've been waiting for is finally here. Gosling goes after The Serial Killer. And we are rewarded with another "To be continued..."


Eloquent, guys.

Until next week's shit show...

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