SOCIAL MEDIA

Thursday, July 23, 2015

You're cool. I'm cool. Let's be friends.

I went to a BBQ last weekend at my BFF's house. Yeah, I said BFF. GTFOI. Lots of dudes drinking beer and lots of ladies chatting & fussing over the food. It's not a sexist thing - it's that we are so fecking hungry all the time because we tryna be skinny, amiright?

Anyway, I took note of the chicks. We all know each other through a mutual friend. We can all chat about whatever with ease. It's an easygoing group. The thing that made me giggle, into my second plate of pasta, was how much we all are like, "Hi. Wanna be friends?"

Some of us have already spawned; some have yet to spawn. We are all similar ages, and yet, we find ourselves with a small circle. You click with people or you don't. It's how it works.

We sent texts after we left, promising to get together after enjoying a summer evening together.

Why is it so fundamentally hard to make friends at 30?
-Are we busy? Does a bear shit outside?
-Are we tired? Hell, yes.
-Are we intimated? Usually. But why?

Between the ages of 3 & 30, how did we lose our whimsy? Mean girls.

We all know them. Hell, you might be one. I was. 

Do not f*ck with that girl in the overalls.

I am perfectly willing to admit that I have been a raging bitch. No gasps, please. I, literally, got into a fist fight in preschool with my best friend. My best freaking friend. I can, honestly, say that I have never wanted to punch Kylie in the face, but Marissa? Bitch had it coming, apparently.

I digress.

Mean girls have ruined us. We are no longer able to carelessly ask a girl to coffee because we are too busy thinking they are judging our new Birks, or the fact that we have hair that is so greasy you could fry an egg with it. 

The best way to deal with it? GTFOI. No one cares. 

Your hair is greasy, my hair is greasy. You have boob milk on your shirt, I have cheerios stuck to my jeans. You haven't bathed in a week, I haven't bathed all month. Your kids are acting like shit heads, mine are currently trying to paint the walls with milk. Let's be friends. You seem like a cool betch, I think we could be friends. I won't judge you, you don't judge me. Boom. Friends forever. 

Once you reach this level of enlightenment, add some more betches into the group because I can guarandamntee you that they want a friend too.

xoxo,







ETA: Some girls are actually mean girls and just bad apples. Don't be friends with them, but the others are cool.

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