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Sunday, July 5, 2015

The Best Damn Naked Cake

I used to be fat. Real fat. Being that I once was fat, the fat girl inside of me has never gone away. She loves cake. She may have eaten a second piece of this cake yesterday when no one was watching. 

I like pretty things. Shiny things. I'm a girl. Girl + fat girl = cake. The math is so obvious.

This cake is easy. It looks impressive and you barely lifted a finger. Try it. Impress that bitchy mother-in-law. 


Yes, I used store-bought cake. Get over yourself. 


Be sure that your children are climbing into all of your cabinets and pulling out as much shit as is humanly possible. This is key to making this delicious cake.


Make the cakes as directed. I used 8" round pans, and filled only halfway. Take each layer out, let cool, wrap tightly in Saran wrap and freeze overnight. 


Pull your cakes out about an hour before you want to frost. Unwrap & let defrost. 


Place layer one on your cake plate. Be sure to put the part of the cake that looks the least disheveled in the front. Hide the mess in the back. Drop a big ass blob of frosting on layer one. Spread. Duh.


Drop on layer 2. Big ass blob. Spread.


Layer 3. If I have to tell you what to do next, you're too stupid to bake a cake. Read a dictionary instead.


This is optional, but you'll want to do this step. Slap some powdered sugar on the sides of your cake. This will mask your shit storm. It will cover up all of the places where little bits of cake flaked off.

Oh, and clean up your cake plate. We're not animals.


Top with whatevs. I saw a naked cake the other day with just the top of a pineapple on it. I chose strawberries and blueberries because #murica.


Be sure and take an artsy picture of your cake and send it to people. If you don't Instagram it, it didn't happen.

Tag me on Insta if you make this pretty thing. I love seeing people try my stupid, easy recipes, and pretending like it was really difficult. Ain't nobody gots to know. 

Happy Independence weekend, y'all!


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