Am I A Jealous Mom?

ETA: This post in no way is meant to sound self-righteous. I, in no way, believe that I have my shit together and that everyone wants to be me. Let's get that REAL clear REAL fast. I am just as guilty of being jealous of other moms. Having said that, if you think I'm that full of myself, you are sorely mistaken.

Carry on.

Does it bug the shit out of you when you see a mom who is dressed nicely, bathed, hair done with a latte in hand? Does it bug the shit out of you when said mom has her minions in tow & they are all dressed, bathed, quaffed and are behaving in public? Shame.On.You.

Why is it that moms who are somewhat organized and put together are the bad guys? Why does it offend you when I have shaved legs & curled hair? 

Here are 5 questions to ask yourself to see if you're a jealous mom:

1. Am I jealous when I see a mom put together?

If the answer is yes, then slap yourself upside your greasy hair and GTFOI. Perhaps one of her spawn was up before the rooster and was back down for nap before the sun even shone and had plenty of time to step into a shower to actually get clean.

If the answer is no, good for you.

2. Am I annoyed when I see other moms who care about their looks?

If the answer is yes, then you are a jerk and you need to get a grip. Perhaps you should take stock of your stash of yoga pants and maybe throw on a tight pair of skinnies every once in a while.

If the answer is no, I applaud you. You are comfortable in your own skin around hot betches.

3. Am I jealous when I see another mom's clean house?

If the answer is yes, then get off your damn iPhone & pick some shit up.

If the answer is no, enjoy your filth. Your kids are clearly comfortable and happy playing in dust bunnies.

4. Am I jealous when I see a mom out with her girlfriends?

If the answer is yes, then maybe this is why you have no girlfriends to go out with. Bitchy resting face & crossed arms doesn't make anyone feel warm & fuzzy about you.

If the answer is no, you found a bad group of betches who love you & like to hang with you. This is also means you are happy for other people. Let's be friends.

5. Am I jealous when I see moms who have a career/hobby/life outside of their children?

If the answer is yes, then maybe you should try to find something you enjoy instead of judging others for being talented and entrepreneurial. Maybe you have no talents. Sucks for you.

If the answer is no, then you are one of those awesome moms who have something outside of the home that drives you, inspires you, and ignites your soul. Drink it up. Those things make you one of the great moms.

So, are you a jealous mom? If the answer is yes, then stop being an all-around douche tart and be awesome at being you. If the answer is no,congratulations on your confidence. You are a bad mama jama.

Peace.
a.