The Truth About Getting Ready for Family Photos9:19 AM
So, you finally made the decision. You picked a photographer, paid your deposit, and you have a date picked. There is a myriad of things to do to prepare for your session. On the eve of our family's yearly photos, I thought I'd share a few steps to getting prepared.
1. Start drinking. I don't care if your photos are scheduled for 1 hour from now or 1 month from now. Start drinking. You'll be glad you did. I'm on glass of wine #2 as I type.
2. Spend an inordinate amount of money on "nice" clothes for your spawns who will INEVITABLY stain them the second you put their clothes on them. You will stand them up after having fully dressed them, and without batting an eyelash, there will be a giant stain on the front of one or more of them. My plan is to keep them in diapers (sans Maddie) in the car, fill them full of food & milk, and dress them the second we are getting out of the car to go sit in that damn field.
3. Tell your husband the dreaded news. Offer sexual favors if he will just put on a happy face & pretend he wouldn't rather be having a prostate exam than having family photos taken. Also, make him drink.
4. Bring bribes. Candy, toys, I don't care. If you don't bribe your children, you are failing at parenthood.
5. Bring extra clothes. They will ruin them.
6. Relax. The kids are acting like massive douche tarts, your husband is wearing tube socks with skater shoes, and you are sweating like a stuck pig. All you have to do now is relax, let the photographer direct you, and then be amazed when you have not one, but an ass load of REALLY good family photos that you get to keep forever. The beauty of these images is that no one can hear you swearing or the kids screaming and/or crying. Win/win.
And just because you know you want to know, I give you the Rosenbohm wardrobe. Yes, I'm good at this. Yes, I made that fecking floral crown, and if she doesn't keep it on her damn head the whole time, there will be weeping & gnashing of teeth.