SOCIAL MEDIA

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Don't Grab the Dog's Penis!

I have mom turrets. It's a thing I've decided because the shit that flies out of my mouth in this house can only be described as such.

Since our house has gone from a quiet 3-person abode to a 5-member circus, all sanity has ceased. Boys are unlike any other creature I have ever encountered. You know that dumb ass saying, "boy: a noise with dirt on it?" Yeah, it's dumb, but true. For example, to alert to his awakedness, Jax beats on the wall with his fists. If that doesn't work, he shakes his crib violently.

Our house is a constant stream of, "NO! Don't pull that cord! NO! Don't take the eggs out! NO! Don't eat that sticker! NO! Don't pull your sister's hair! NO! Don't climb the pantry shelves! NO! Don't grab the dog's penis!" All.day.long.

I am not a fan of the dog. Again, no hate mail. I don't have time to read it and I really don't care. Not a fan of the dog. He whines, he pisses, he's annoying. That's not to say that it isn't partly our fault as shitty dog owners, however, still. Not a fan. That being said, while I am not a fan, I don't believe the poor designer purse pup should have to be subjected to sexual assault by 15-month-old unruly boys.


Feef, we're sorry for what your lot in life has become. One day, I promise, these boys will be your best buds. Until then, keep your penis out of reach.




1 comment :

  1. Hilarious! Our family has a dog that I cannot stand. Guess what though? It was my idea to get a dog!

    ReplyDelete