Paradise Recap | Episode 69:54 AM
Sam: Shut yo' mouth. You're acting like you've been together for years. You went on one date. And omg. I'm on cloud 9. Where's Joe? I need to give him another handy J in the pool.
Turns out, Jomantha schemed to get a free sexcation from ABC. *gasp* Numb nuts! This is a reality TV show. It is a contest. It is a winner-take-all contest. Fools, open your eyes.
Dan vs. Ashley S.
Ashley S.: I think he broke up with me, but I can't see him giving a rose to anyone else.
Amber enters. I hope Dan is here.
Date card. Duh.
This also begins the decline of Ashley S. We knew that it was coming. We were all concerned about her mental state. Crazy Ashley is back & we are so fecking pumped.
JJ & Megan
Possibly the best couple in the entire Bachelor franchise. One of the dumbest human beings on the planet paired with the most gigantic ass wipe on the planet. She's too dumb to know what an ass he is. #matchmadeinheaven
Dan & Amber
They make out and they leave their food untouched.
Dan: We had such an amazing connection. I didn't expect to have good conversation with Amber and I didn't.
JJ versus Joe
JJ: I take personal offense to your doucheness because you're taking away from my doucheness.
Until next week,