Paradise Recap | Episode 211:35 AM
It's only an hourrrrrrrr!! I just did a jig.
Clare has become as much a part of this franchise as Harrison. Does this ho even have a real job?
She's talking to animals again. Overplayed, dudes.
Clare: Mikey is the only one showing any interest in me. I think he's a douche, but I'll play along. I'm not typically into big beef hearts like him. Beef hearts? I want to vom.
Mikey: I would totally like to go out with you. That would be awesome.
Clare & Mikey rub privies on the first date aka tantric yoga.
Mikey: My favorite position was downward Clare. I can't wait to do this without cameras.
Clare: I'm not interested in you.
Mikey: I want to kiss you.
Clare: Beef Heart, no.
Mikey: I need to go take one of those cold showers now.
Ashley S & Dan
For a brief moment, Ashley seems slightly normal.
This just proves that there is someone for everyone.
Tenley, Jared, Ashley I. Creepy Sex Triangle Thing
Tenley plays the woe is me card because she didn't buddy up fast enough, so she runs off to snatch up Jared.
Cue: Ashley I crying because an "old lady" is stealing her man. Call her an old lady one more time, and I'll give you something to cry about, bitch.
Ashley I: You're mine.
Jared: I'm open to all kinds of relationships here.
Ashley I: Awkward.
Bitches be scramblin'.
JJ is suddenly popular.
Tenley: I'm not doing this because I want a rose. I just think you might be cool. You're totally welcome to makeout with me if you'd like. Rose, please?
Jared: You can have my flower.
Clare: Are you telling me this?
No one will ever love me.
Tanner & Jade. Duh.
Kirk & Carly
Dan & Ashley S.
Jonathan & Eyelashes
Meat Heart & Clare
Jared & the mercy rose for Ashley I.
The kissing worked. JJ & Tenley.
What a waste of a boob job.
Thanks for the patience as I get caught up on this shit show,