Life According to the Chadelorette12:08 PM
Since we are deprived of an episode this week, I thought I would give you a rundown of life of according to the late great Chadelorette. Yes, he will reappear one last time on Monday, but we just really haven't gotten enough quality time with him.
In no particular order, here is life according to Chad.
“If I want JoJo, I will get her.”
"Get the first out of the way. Nobody ever buys the first house they look at."
"You think this is a show. And you think you're safe, for now. But one day, this ends. And when this ends, you go home. When you go home you think I can't find you? You think I won't go out of my way, to come to your house? I'm dead f---ing serious."
"I always warn girls, I always say: stay away from the nice guys."
"Life ain't all blueberries and paper airplanes, you know what I mean?"
"You're starting off a little naggy here. If I'm getting nagged, I'm gonna say something."
"If you're making a protein shake, made of the group of dudes here, and, y'know, blended it up... half that dude-protein-shake would have zero chance with JoJo."
"No girl on Planet Earth ever chooses Evan... for anything... other than to come, like, sweep their front yard."
"I don't want to have to physically fight you, but if there's no way to stop you from saying what you're saying, then I will physically have to hurt you."
"Have a glass of milk, man, and chill out."
"I'm going to cut everyone here's legs off, and arms off, and there's gonna be torsos, and then I'm gonna throw them in the pool."
Chad, we will miss you terribly. Thank you for salvaging this season.