This Girl is on Fiiiiiiirrreeeee
We open on ripped Chad doing pull-ups. Slightly annoying, but also slightly hot.
Firefighting with the LAFD. Shout out to my brother-in-law who actually works for the LAFD, and thankfully, wasn't involved in this shit show. Wells gets the vapors and tries to faint. Nothing like a weenie to get a girl hot and bothered.
Grant is an actual firefighter and is called in to rescue this puss.
Ugh. Thanks for wasting your tax dollars on this, LA.
JoJo: Reading cue card: Thank you for your service. Next!
Grant: I'll always tell you I love you.
JoJo: Thanks.
Wells get the pity rose for being such a penis.
Meanwhile...
I may seem like a dick, but I'm actually nice. You'll see.
Chad: Well, none of these guys would make it.
If you make up metaphors about protein shakes, you might be a meathead.
Date with Derek
#dim
Couldn't even pay attention. This is all I see.
He's basically an emotional vacuum.
He's still in love with Pam. This will never work.
Eliminated: James S., Brandon, and Will
He's still in love with Pam. This will never work.
ESPN Group Date
We open on JoJo discussing Steph Curry, as if she knows wtf that is. Sports Nation is now Bachelor Nation.
Chad: Will you marry me?
JoJo: Why do you love me?
JoJo: Why do you love me?
Chad: You should already know all of those things. You need me to tell you? You're starting off a little naggy.
Aaaaand before they've even had their first date, they are in the throes of their first fight.
Chad: I don't love you yet. I don't like these guys. I'm not fake. I don't know what I'm going to love about you. I'll let you know if that happens.
JoJo: I like his honesty...
Rose Ceremony
The least confrontational confrontation in the history of the world.
Dudes: Why are you so mean to us?
Chad: It's fun to mess with you.
JoJo, stop saying you want what Ben & Lauren have. You sound creepy.
Ugh. Two-night event next week. Dammit.
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