The Best Damn Bach Recap | Week 412:41 PM
We, literally, have no idea what the hell Ben did on his date with JoJo except for making out as much as humanly possible. And you know what? We ain't sad about it 'cause it was hot.
How's that wife material working out for ya, Benji?
Everyone but Becca Date
This is just about the worst thing you could have watched on television last night. A talent show with a bunch of talentless bimbos. The only two with a talent were the obnoxious AF twins who Irish step danced. Kudos for not being the worst at something for a change.
I'd be lying if I didn't say that I thought maybe I could strip as my talent.
The best part of this entire "performance" is Ben's face. He simultaneously wants to watch and die.
Cue: drama, panic attacks, theatrics, tears, and hyperventilating. Boys love that.
Tonight's cocktail party consisted of wearing as little clothing as necessary. We get to see Caila's, AKA Sex Panther, ass cheek for her entire segment, as well as play the game "when-is-Olivia's-boob-going-to-pop-out-and-say-Hi?" For someone who was concerned about not being wife material, she sure was showing off her hooters for all the world to see.
And we all died a little inside when Ben got his hands on Lauren. He's smitten, twitterpated, and totally falling in love with her, and I'm totally jealous and he's mine, Lauren.
Can we just all take a second to thank Ben's parents for making this beautiful creature?
Oh, and during all of this, Olivia is losing her shit. Business as usual.
Olivia: I need reassurance. I love him. He loves me. I'm not sure what's going on. I need to be around him. I think it's ok. That wasn't me. I think I'm losing it. I'm in love with Ben.
Ben: Please don't touch me.
She walks away thinking he's about to propose marriage.
Aaaand Lauren gets the date rose. Shocker.
Becca puts on an ugly wedding dress, and heads to the Little White Wedding Chapel where Ben proposes...marrying the weirdos who get married in Vegas while they are drunk AF.
One of the dumber dates we've been subjected to. Saving grace? Staring at hot Ben for 10 hot minutes while he married people who will soon be looking for a divorce attorney once they sober up.
Ben: How is this different than your last go at finding love on national television?
Becca: I wasn't feeling the cows and corn vibe.
Ben: Are you feeling this?
Becca: It's so hard...when you're attracted to someone and you want to...
Ben: Jump their bones!
Becca: Let's make out a little more just to make your pants a little more uncomfortable.
The Creepy Twin Threesome
In one of the creepiest dates in Bachelor history, Ben takes the twins on a date.
Thanks for wearing the same damn thing so no one can tell you apart. Way to be individuals.
Emily throws Haley under the bus by telling Ben "she's just not that into you."
Haley cries, while Emily snuggles up in Ben's lap and cries, "She's so happy for me."
Meanwhile, Haley is crying her eyes out surrounded by a herd of Dachshunds.
Not gonna lie that I was totally hoping that Ben would send Emily home during the rose ceremony. Like, PSYCH!!
In a last ditch effort, Olivia corners Ben to show tell him she's not insecure and that she's in love with him.
Amber goes home while gracefully ripping her shoes off and throwing herself on a pool chair, crying about how stupid she is and how no one loves her.
And some girl named Rachel leaves.